These fourteen dudes playing the basketballs today in the NCAA tourniquette, mostly all from major teams, have scoreded the most points in the previous three tourniquettes...
#1: Tyler Hansbrough (North Carolina Tarheels senior forward, 220 previous tourney points) - I have coached youth soccer for the past six years, and one major reason I do not like Hansbrough is because he looks like every asshole 7-year-old (yes, such things exist) who is less concerned about sharing sliced oranges at halftime than he is running up four goals on the assortment of halfwits, homeschoolers, and ADHD Christians I inevitably always end up with. #2: A.J. Abrams (Texas Longhorns senior guard, 148 previous tourney points) - Pint-sized sharpshooter with sculpted beard, so cuddly and soft in his little Allen Iverson armwarmer. #3: Darren Collison (UCLA Bruins senior guard, 143 previous tourney points) - Bruins written off pretty early by plenty of sports talking heads, but damn, Collison has played in three Final Fours already. #4: Antonio Anderson (Memphis Tigers senior guard, 129 previous tourney points) - Dude missed the potential game-winning shot in last year's championship game against the stupid Jayhawks, so should be playing with a burning heart of desire. #5: Wayne Ellington (North Carolina Tarheels junior guard, 114 previous tourney points) - Fucking inside/outside game with stupid Hansbrough and Ellington setting up to drain 3s... man I fucking hate UNC, and not so much because they're good but because they're stupid assholes that are good. #6: Ty Lawson (North Carolina Tarheels junior guard, 113 previous tourney points) - Luckily, he's got a sore ol' big toe right now, hopefully ruining UNC's hopes to cruise to another national title. #7: Robert Dozier (Memphis Tigers senior forward, 97 previous tourney points) - Another comeback from last year's rec-league all-star team John Calipari's mob-affiliated self-important ass, trying to help the ol' shithead get that national title he needs to justify himself to everyone who is tired of listening. #8: Josh Shipp (UCLA Bruins senior guard, 94 previous tourney points) - Is John Wooten still alive to be propped up in a luxury box to pretend he still understands what's going on and the UCLA faithful can feel like God is looking down on Ben Howland's newest collection of SoCal blue chippers? #9: Danny Green (North Carolina Tarheels senior forward, 84 previous points) - Well, they have like seven scoring threats, so Green concentrates on defense. #10: Scottie Reynolds (Villanova Wildcats junior guard, 80 previous tourney points) - Carried this team through extra postseason play last year. #11: Deon Thompson (North Carolina Tarheels junior forward, 78 previous tourney points) - Good fucking grief, the entire starting lineup makes this stupid list, meaning they play deep in tournament's every year, and they haven't really had anybody bolt early since Roy Williams' last national championship team, which I think was also his first. #12: Greg Paulus (Duke Blue Devils senior guard, 69 previous tourney points) - Somehow, during his illustrious whiteboy point guard career, Paulus got demoted down to coming off the bench for Coach K; only thing worse than UNC is Duke, and I'm pissed because the local CBS affiliate is running the Duke game instead of VCU's game, because it's so UVA-centric, even though everybody here hates Duke, and VCU is only an hour away. #13: Josh Carter (Texas A&M Aggies senior forward, 65 previous tourney points) - Shows you how solidly competitive, although unnoticed Texas A&M has been; they always make the tourney, win a game or two, then disappear into the maelstrom of second-tier major level college basketball programs. #14: Damion James (Texas Longhorns junior forward, 56 previous tourney points) - I don't even know anything about this dude to even maek a wisecrack about.
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