RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Monday, February 28

Ponytail Challenge - Pt. 2 of 36

So this week stupid Jeff Gordon won whatever race they had. I did not include it in my life at all, so I don't know what happen, but I would imagine it was boring, but they had a lot of commercials pretending it was very macho to be bored in such a way. I do know when I was watching five minutes of The Simpsons at night, they had a stupid commercial about some dude and his wife on the couch and him talking like Nascar was somehow cool, and it was going to be in Las Vegas, which is also cool. It was at that point (amongst many in my life) that I realized just how fucking out of step I am with the rest of my fellow American humans.
Jeff Gordon originally was not liked. Regular dudes thought him a pussy, and rooted for Dale Earnhardt or Terry Labonte or other regular dudes like that - guys who still wore mustaches. But somewhere in the process of Nascar getting younger and every driver talking in a whine and looking like he runs a landscaping company, regular dudes starting liking Jeff Gordon, I guess because he raced at the same time real dudes used to. I don't get it. I hate Jeff Gordon. Hate him. Even when I don't care about Nascar, and I looked up the race to try and at least do this stupid ponytail challenge thing for more than one week, I saw Jeff Gordon won and I was like, "Man, that sucks. Fuck Jeff Gordon."
That being said, in my goofy system, he can buy his way out of elimination at some point later this season. Being not every driver who raced last week actually was gonna be a full-time racer this season, there were a handful of drivers who did not even attempt to qualify this week who raced last week. Of those drivers, Robert Richardson Jr. was the dude who had the lowest amount of points from last week, so he gets nipped off the back end of the remaining possible champions. The beginning of the Nascar season is boring as fuck. So is the end. I do not even know who Robert Richardson Jr. is, or who his father was.
42nd: Robert Richardson Jr. (did not qualify for the Subway Fresh Fit 500)
43rd: J.J. Yeley (finished last in the Daytona 500)


Neil said...

Every driver in Nascar just seems like a weaselly fucker to me. I am not of the south and so can't really speak to such things but the whole thing and everybody involved seem very New South to me. Like, I respect the hell out of Nascar's origins and if it was still like that it would be cool as fuck. But now it's just a bunch of pod people created in a lab splicing soulless robot genes with redneck genes and the end result is some empty eyed abomination yammering on in a vaguely southern drawl about how much he loves his sponsor while he swigs Coke. There is no soul at all in Nascar which is astounding given how shit started out. Fucking shameful. They need to put a dude in the passenger seat with a shotgun, force everyone to drink a beer every so many laps and then just let the magic happen.

Raven Mack said...

yeah, being I will have to find something to rant about for 36 weeks, I was planning on talking about a drinking & driving race, which would be great. also a dirt track, more than one preferably. but yeah, what you say is all true. fortunately it will probably fold in on itself because of this, go back to being Winston Cup racing again and only crazed degenerates in like 12 southern cities will care. but the very fact there are like weird shut-ins in NYC who play fantasy nascar probably will ruin that. it's sad.
in related news, I found out today that junior johnson, early nascar superhero, is again selling moonshine, but as a legal microliquor now. he got out of nascar in the '90s because it was full of shit.