Wednesday, June 18

2014 Hand-to-Hand Haiku Tournaments



ROJONEKKU HAND-TO-HAND HAIKU NONSENSE. Generally speaking, second Thursday of each month at BON in Charlottesville, fourth Wednesday of each month at Balliceaux in Richmond, occasionally elsewhere, daily in my own head. Below has all the info you need. If you need more, I don't know man, I just don't know.
This past event at BON in Cville, I suffered my first ever haiku death match loss, to my own daughter. I promise to never lose again.
  • August 14: BON, Charlottesville, VA, 7:00 pm sign-up, 7:30 pm kick-off
  • August 27: Balliceaux, Richmond, VA, 8:00 pm sign-up, 8:30 pm kick-off
  • September 11: BON, Charlottesville, VA, 7:00 pm sign-up, 7:30 pm kick-off
  • September 24: Balliceaux, Richmond, VA, 8:00 pm sign-up, 8:30 pm kick-off
  • October 12: BON, Charlottesville, VA, 7:00 pm sign-up, 7:30 pm kick-off
  • October 22: Balliceaux, Richmond, VA, 8:00 pm sign-up, 8:30 pm kick-off
  • November 8: BON, Charlottesville, VA, 7:00 pm sign-up, 7:30 pm kick-off
I hope to see all of you and talk in real life and conspire against these fucking robots that are starting to control every aspect of our lives and communications and creations. If you have any questions email me at ravenmack inside google dotcom or hit me up on Facebook where I am Raven Doctorlounge Mack or better yet twitter where I am the rambling subconscious of the Piedmont foothills at SSVa_Raven.


Rojonekku Hand-to-Hand Haiku tournaments are a variation on haiku battles that have existed as an off-shoot to poetry slams for the past decade. Our version was established with students in my Rojonekku Word Fighting Arts school, and has been adapted for public performance/competition. The idea is to be all-inclusive, of styles of poet, of types of people, of modes of thinking, of anything really, so as to cultivate as wide a diversity of short poems as possible. Our world needs more diversity. And then that diversity needs to be more diverse. Ten shades of the same thought is not diversity. Ten different thoughts is.
WHAT HAND-TO-HAND HAIKU ENTAILSA Hand-to-Hand haiku battle works as a single-elimination tournament, meaning any number of people can participate. The first round works to eliminate the field down to the closest number divisible by two, in one-on-one matches. From that point on, it’s a simple matter of one-on-one match-ups to narrow the participants down to four, and then a final two competitors. All early rounds are a best of 3, the semifinals a best of 5, and the finals a best out of 7. The number of rounds required depend on how many competitors.What does “best of” mean, and how does that work? Easy, yo. There will be three judges pre-selected for the night’s festivities. They will have two flags (different ones obviously, we’ll assume red and blue for ease of explanation). In each match-up, one competitor will have a red flag, and the other a blue flag. Red flag reads a haiku first, then blue, then after a brief moment of thought, the three judges, who hold both colored flags, raise the flag of who won that round, in their on-the-spot opinion. Whichever flag a majority of judges raises is considered the winner of that round, meaning if two out of three judges say blue, then blue wins the first round, and is up 1 to 0. Loser of any round reads first the next round, so red would read a second haiku, followed by blue, followed by judges’ decision, and so on, until one of the competitors wins 2 rounds. At most this would need 3 rounds to be completed, thus it is called a best-of-3. The same process is repeated, but with more rounds for the semifinals and finals.This means for all people reading haiku, you may need up to 25 or so different haiku, in the off-chance the first round, the semifinals, and finals all go to their maximum amount of rounds, and that you advance accordingly. Thus, I say you need a minimum of 20-some haiku, although if you are eliminated early or win rounds quickly, most likely very few of you will actually use that many haiku, perhaps even using as few as 2 or 3. No worries; save what you wrote for the next one.Here is the thing though: you select which haiku you read for each round, rather than reading them in a set order, so to have a larger, more varied arsenal of haiku gives yourself the freedom to choose ones that might fit your opponent or the moment more easily, to tap into the flow of the evening, or which one you would assume might strike a favorable mood with the judges. I look at it as each haiku is an arrow, and the more arrows you have in hand, the more likely you are able to find a sharp one. So come equipped as you see fit.On a personal aside, as a man who has literally written several thousand haiku over the past decade, a method I use is writing them one per index card. This is a good method for a hand-to-hand haiku battle, as you can have your handful of index cards, mark out ones you use, and shuffle them around and use them accordingly. Just a tip; you can use it or ignore it as you see fit. Once you use a haiku though, you can’t re-use it in the tournament format again, so if you put them all on one page, put an X next to the ones you’ve used so as to not repeat yourself.
WHAT ABOUT HAIKU?Ah yes, the terribly pretentious question us westerners are forced to ask ourselves with regards to a Japanese literary tradition based on a language of characters while we speak syllables. Haiku traditionally was tied to the seasons, and the most common western translation has been a three-line poem of five syllables, seven syllables, and five syllables, which is often times seen as the truest replication of the Japanese poem. For the sake of our Hand-to-Hand Haiku purposes, to keep everybody on even ground, I tend to encourage that we go with this. Now somebody may say, “Wait, counting syllables goes against what haiku actually is, Raven Mack!” I can assure you, I know this form on a deep and personal level, and could tell you that haiku is not even a poetic form on its own, but is part of a larger group form of poetry called renga where the first part was called hokku and became the title of famous renga poems, thus it became its own thing as literary time passed. So haiku is not even technically what the hell it is supposed to be. So for all haiku traditionalists insulted at counting syllables, once you are holding mass parties where groups of people compose poems as a group with 100 verses per poem, you can hold your complaints to yourself. We cannot accept part of a tradition but pretend the rest doesn’t exist and call ourselves traditionalists. I mean, we could, and in fact that’s what most people do, but I’m not supporting that.So for our sake, our haiku will be three-line poems, preferably of 5-syllables, 7-syllables, and 5-syllables. I will not count them though, and if you feel overly confined by this structure (form is good for you though), you can stretch the definition of haiku to mean a short poem of 17-syllables (or less).Also, traditionally, these have been tied to the seasons, or nature, but I regard the act of haiku as more a meditation or habit of observation, which means all the screwed up parts of the world made by man are as natural as nature, and more than perfect for haiku. You can go traditional or you can go with observing the world around you or you can go experimental. Whatever’s clever. For me, it is a meditation on the world around me, and this can be natural or it can be spiritual or completely inside my own head. I use it as word medicine, so whatever I feel like I need the form to give me, to make me feel better, to help me process the world I’m in, that’s how I go.And obviously, you should write your own haiku. If you have competed before in a different Rojonekku Hand-to-Hand tournament, you're expected to come with fresh material. Obviously there are no haiku police who will count syllables or be like, "Didn't she read that one before?" We, as the viewing community, will police ourselves, so if you are in the crowd at an event and it seems someone's gone long on syllables or repeating themselves, I encourage you to chatter amongst yourselves about it to create that uncomfortable buzz thing that happens in public events. If the competitor repeats these shady activities, hopefully the buzz will turn to outright booing and jeering. In fact, unlike your standard poetry reading, I encourage the crowd to make noise and respond. This is not to be a silent awe affair.
BUT HOW WILL THESE BE JUDGED?A valid question, as none of us wants to be judged, and yet judges will be involved. Honestly, there is no right or wrong way to pick a winner, and this method will always be subjective. Always. But I am going to have three judges, and attempt to curate each of them from a different angle of cultural sensibilities. Judges’ decisions will be final, and also subjective, so never take it personally. This is meant to be fun, and will be fun, so nobody needs to get all, “Damn, why wasn’t my poetic greatness not properly recognized in this damn hand-to-hand haiku thing? This is bullshit!”Judges: You will judge as you feel appropriate. Like I mentioned above, I’ll pick you because I'm thinking you'll observe from a certain perspective, but I might be completely off on judging your personality, so feel free to toss that aside completely and just go with your heart. In fact, the whole point of haiku is to go with your heart, and this whole nonsense endeavor of a tournament is meant to motivate people to go with what’s in their heart, not worry and become anxious.
SO WHAT DO WE WIN?Winner of the night’s tournament will receive the accolades of an adoring attending public, and generally I try to have some sort of prize to present to the winner, depending on what I get my hands on from willing accomplices. As part of hosting the festivities, I'll share some of my own Rojonekku writing, or unique perspective, or perhaps just talk crap about what I've been cooking up in the kitchen. The entire motivation behind Rojonekku WFA (Word Fighting Arts) is to battle the complacency of routine life with words, and this means not just books or printed matter but stories and jokes and strange tales from stranger places and just everything and anything to be honest.So that is how the Hand-to-Hand Haiku Tournament works. If you are interested in participating - which I hope you will be - contact me at ravenmack at gmail dot com. Even though this is developed from the slam poetry tradition, my goal with this is to bring different styles of poets from different backgrounds into a mutually accepted format, and interact. Then we cross-pollinate each other, and everything will taste better.

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Friday, May 23

Football Metaphysics: World Cup 2014

World Cup news is starting to fill up our ridiculously overdramatic digital news cycle. We're only a few weeks away from one of the earth's hugest sporting events, and one that is - more now than ever - receiving a good amount of attention for the negatives, for the corruption of FIFA in awarding future World Cups, for the resources dedicated to an event like this that might better be spent on things for the people that live in a place instead of those that fly in briefly and blow money, but mostly for excitement for the motherfuckin' games.
I spent a lot of time the past six months, compiling information, researching weird shit, and writing up a full-on wild style preview of this event, from my normal off-kilter perspective (talking about "spirit warriors" and "poetic souls" and rooting for some teams and hoping for economic collapse of society at other times). It's an amazing book, and if you were going to spend some money on World Cup shit, I would hope this would be on your list. In fact, here is a video commercial I made for this book...
As you can see, I am a traffic cone of enlightened degeneracy. Football Metaphysics is one thousand feathers style, speaking in tongues the devil can't understand. What that means is even if you hate sports and don't like soccer, you'll probably enjoy this book. It also means if you're a regular douchebag asshole who thinks crap like Jim Rome or Deadspin is funny or that Grantland is super-intelligent, then you may not dig this. Like at all. But whatever, this is a great book, and it'll be a great book whether you see it or not.
I have set up my big cartel page to now offer signed copies of this book (as well as my previous ones), and I'll inscribe a haiku about whatever country you're pulling for too. Here is the
WORKINGMAN BOOKS shop That's getting direct from me, which means it benefits and supports me more than other outlets. If you want to buy online instead, and don't trust me (understandable... look at me), you can get the book physically here and electronically here. And of course, like everything else on earth, you can get it from Amazon, and that's probably most familiar to most people, but it also supports me the least, though I'd prefer you buy it there than not buy it all.
Now, here are pictures of three versions of Raven Mack book...
Football Metaphysics: World Cup 2014
Vehicular Tankacide
Beerbox Haiku
That's my writing studio. It was a tipi but a haarp beam derecho super cell destroyed the covering so then it was just tipi poles. I put a glass table and some milk crates in there to chill, and then a weight bench, and then have been covering it with flags. It's the best writing studio I've ever had. I am currently out there "editing" two upcoming projects by "other" authors which I hope to have out this summer.
And fuck it, if you've read this far you must give a fuck, so let me just say, it's a pain in the ass to try and make people aware these things exist. That's why traditional publishing has an advantage over self-publishing. Nobody gives a fuck if you keep telling them, "Hey, look at my wacky video," "Hey, look at this stupid thing about my book I did that I've been talking about and you haven't cared yet and might not ever care, wow, aren't I annoying the fuck out of you by still talking about it?" I recognize that. I'm not going to tell you how I think other things might not be as great out there, disparage kickstarters or actual accepted writers. But I know what I'm doing is real as fuck, and good too. This Football Metaphysics book is an entertaining and informative read about the World Cup. And it's crazy as fuck too. The Vehicular Tankacide book I put out this past spring is an amazing book of poetry. Not just "some guy's book" amazing, but I put it right there with anything released by any book people in terms of poetry. That doesn't necessarily mean people care.
If you've read down here, and you do care, I appreciate it. There's a core group that has grown over the years that has supported me and all me endeavors, and I recognize you and appreciate you, and I think I've shown to most of you I've interacted with how loyal a person I am. And honestly, I guess that's more important to me than all the people who don't know I exist, or see it and don't even give half a fuck. So fuck bitching, thank you. Let's break bread in real life sometime soon.




Monday, May 12

Football Metaphysics: World Cup 2014 book now available

The above is the ill ass cover to my new book called Football Metaphysics which is a preview of the upcoming World Cup. Rather than be some nerd ass number-oriented sports mark book though, it dabbles in the art of metaphysics, talking upon spirit warriors, and poetic souls of each of the 32 nations involved in this summer's tournament in Brazil, as well as highlighting important characters on the actual teams. Of course, it being metaphysics, I sat riverside and consulted with my ancient catfish oracle to deduce who stands top chances of winning thangs in Brazil as well. It's a good ass read, geared towards those who perhaps are not still believers in the kayfabe of western civilization, and perhaps inclined to burn shit down just to see what color the fire makes. Or not.
You can get your robot machine digital versions (Kindle, Sony reader, iPhone shit, all them robot shits) at
FOOTBALL METAPHYSICS smashwords page.
You can also get a physical, beautiful, inky print version with soft cover but hard ass beautiful insides at
FOOTBALL METAPHYSICS createspace page.
And of course both kindle and print versions are available at my Amazon page in the right sidebar (click on the cover), but I get more scrilla off the two above links than through Amazon. However, I know how shit is, you only buy from reputable (meaning what you recognize) places, so whatever. I'm just happy if you buy a copy.
This is the only information you'll need to prep you for the World Cup. And it's Workingman Books aka Raven Mack aka 1000 Feathers so when you read it, you know you'll be like wtf, but also laugh, but also learn, because it's that classic nonsense gibberish that says so much without saying anything. Or something.

Thursday, February 27

Solitary Confinement

So hey, I was gonna share some articles that showed up this morning in my reader feed, because they related to each other and also related to what I was babbling about in my sermon portion of the Hand-to-Hand Haiku in Cville the other week talking about prisoner class/political class. In a nutshell, what I said was if you have a dog in the fight - if you give a fuck about Obama/Ted Cruz type shit, then you are political class. God bless you, you have a voice in this shit. But for many, most of us, that shit is irrelevant. We don't know what stocks are, we don't have bank, we battle daily, weekly to keep from being a prisoner, literally or financially. It's a constant fucking struggle. Now I'm lucky enough that I've avoided the hardest ends of prisoner class - and make no mistake about it, it's a lot of luck involved in that. There's no merit to this shit, no you earn your way out of what you're born into. It's a lot of luck, and good timing, and shit man I don't know. But contrary to the constant proclamations on the flat screens, shit is not getting better for the American empire. Well, check that, for the Imperials, it probably is better, and data supports that. But for the mass amount of people living underneath the imperials, it is getting worse, and all the economic shit they talk on the flat screen is, again, irrelevant to real life shit. Thus, more people are going to find themselves doing dirt to survive (as in Duke freshman student convincing herself that doing porn is somehow financially empowering her family), and because of that more people will find themselves into the deeper realms of the American prison state.
Which brings me to the articles to share, both about solitary confinement. I was reading the Outlaw Bible of American Essays the other night in bed, and it had this Iceberg Slim piece talking about getting out of the pimp game finally, and how solitary had completely fucked his head up, made him crazy. (And interestingly enough, I was discussing with my wife how probably the reason the pimp character is so respected in lower classes is because it's the closest thing to indiscriminant successful capitalist that socio-economic level sees - manipulating others into making him profit.) That was 40 years ago Iceberg Slim wrote that. And the use of solitary confinement has done nothing but expand as the prison industry has expanded (and privatized and been monetized). Anyone step out of line? Lock them away. Rehab is not even considered a viable option, or communicating or teaching people to learn to value themselves so that they can value others. But hey, I'm going off on some grandiose humanistic bullshit with all that. Let's just talk about what solitary does in a real sense. And these two articles contain that info.

What Solitary Confinement Doest to the Brain (from Aeon Magazine)
Aeon is one of my internet favorites, but this is an article outlining the actual neuroscience studies being done about solitary confinement. I can tell you from my own dirty work in the field of science that a lot of what has long been considered psychological manipulation - both in terms of criminal punishment as well as most of our western advertising - is not a simple psychological trigger but an actual manipulation of the brain with negative consequences. Unfortunately, this type of advertising or punishment/reward system is a major foundation to our western capitalist society, so it'll never be admitted as morally wrong without suggesting our way of life is immoral. I'm here to tell you that I believe what American advertising does constantly, what solitary confinement does to prisoners, these things should be seen as morally wrong a hundred years from now. However, morals are not decided by any universal code of right and wrong so much as they are by the mightiest hand which inscribes the history book. Morality is decided by whoever ends up being judge, not by the masses as a whole. This is true for dictatorships, democracies, and everything in between (including corporate kleptocracies like we have in America 2014).
Now take all this info with a caveat - that science thinks it can explain everything. It can't. But at least sometimes like with these studies in this article, it's at least still trying to challenge the common beliefs put forth by the corporate kleptocracy. I would imagine though, that once too much info is found out, whoever's behind the research will get quieted down through lack of funding or support.

The Plot from Solitary from New York Magazine
California has been one to use solitary more aggressively than anywhere else, in an attempt to squelch gang violence inside (and outside) of the penal system. The story of how sworn enemies in Pelican Bay's solitary housing unit were still able to plan out and stage a huge hunger strike, statewide, is fairly amazing, and also testament to the outlaw spirit. Oddly enough, as negative as all this "corporate kleptocracy" "prison state" shit might sound, I don't feel overwhelmed by it personally. People are people, and people will always resist bullshit oppression. We've done it since the beginning of time, and regardless of initial intent, every government known to man has always become corrupted by special interests hijacking its once pure intentions. People are people - those few at the top and the masses beneath them in the pyramid scheme that civilization has always been. Leadership cartels get run the fuck off, and old ways become new taboos all the time. All the fucking time. No matter what anyone does to try and stop it.
That's actually a part of why I don't do so much online any more. It's a means of exposing creative spark to light, immediately, but without the real life tinder to help that spark explode into something huge and warming and cleansing and that can burn bullshit the fuck up into ash. This medium called the internet is promised as a revolutionary tool that connects blah blah blah but that's already been hijacked to a large extent by corrupted intentions. And who can even say the entire point was not for that hijack to take place anyways? Keep it street, face to face. You can make connections through this medium, but unless you build them in real life, it's not a solid connection. That is true whether it's one person who shares your same special interests, or one hundred thousand people you want to occupy public space with in frustration. Build in your physical life. The Revolution will not be digitized, but the commercials will.

Monday, February 3

VEHICULAR TANKACIDE

Look, I will be honest, I don't give a fuck about the internet right now. In fact, my new book of tanka poetry which is pictured below has a lot of that sentiment. Here is the Amazon page but you can also purchase it in the flesh at upcoming Hand-to-Hand Haiku tournaments. Those will be happening on the 3rd Thursday of every month in Charlottesville at BON, on the 4th Wednesday of each month (March thru May for now) in Richmond at Balliceaux, and some assorted shows scheduled for Farmville and perhaps Blacksburg. Talk to me there. Check my twitter. I'm sure there's face(snitch)book event pages for these things too. But fuck the internet. I guess I may re-design my page at some point and have all my assorted sites just to point to the same place but that also means investing further time into the internet presence of Raven Mack, which seems like a fucking waste. Get the book. Get the real deal. (Note: it is also available for your robot reading machines.)

Monday, November 11

Last Hand-to-Hand Haiku Event of 2013

On the evening of November 21st, we will be having our last Hand-to-Hand Haiku tournament of the calendar year at BON space on South Street in Charlottesville. This first year of public haiku events has been a lot of fun, and I'm packing all the surprises I can into this last one, to make it sort of a year end get-together for anyone who has attended any of them throughout the year. And if the turnout is as good as it was last month, I plan on having both an under-18 and adult tournament at this event.
In addition, I'll be talking my standard Raven Mack speaking-in-tongues gibberish. I'll have some poetry books there for the buying, and also stacks upon stacks of truth-free pamphlets for the having (donations kindly accepted to support the Rojonekku WFA cause). For anyone who's been to one of these in the past, you know already to expect whatever. There are a number of paths any one given event could take, and I try not to hold too tight to the reins. If we go in a different direction than anticipated, that's what we do. You can't control life, just ride that motherfucker out.
Sign-up starts at 7:00 pm, we'll start the jibber-jabber at 7:30, and as always, the event is free. Here is how Hand-to-Hand Haiku tournaments work. If you have any questions, just hit me up at ravenmack at gmail.com.

Monday, November 4

ORALE! Let me speak on this! at VCU November 15 (plus Hand-to-Hand Haiku tournament)

On Friday afternoon, November 15, at 3:00 pm in the Student Commons at Virginia Commonwealth University, I will be giving a presentation or some sort called New Writing: Maintaining Your Shadow in Light of Total Awareness. What will this presentation involve? All of the following:
  • Keeping it shady even though authoritative overlords want you to be transparent as fuck so as to get a better digital read of how they can sell you shit/make you afraid of shit.
  • Preventing your blood from being turned into money by lizard humanoids.
  • Using curry in combination with lacto-fermented foods to loosen up stagnant energy in your gut – kinda like that bullshit lemonade master cleanse thing, but actually encouraging positive probiotic growth instead of just gut-bombing yourself like healthy bulimia.
  • How to successfully navigate time travel to within five decades past, and four weeks forward. Beyond that either way, you’re on your own.
  • The importance of writing strict form sonnets in the 21st Century, but not iambic pentameter because BORING.
  • How our minds being completely fragmented by wireless digital energies what which we interact with openly is definitely a change occurring, but rather than get all Luddite scared, perhaps we should just learn to do better more soulful mosaics with our fragments.
  • Increasing flow of positive chemicals in your brain like serotonin (sex juice), omega-3s (fish juice), beta-endorphins (exercise juice), and how to combat the depressing tall grasses that grow in your mind’s blind spots (aka sub-conscious).
  • How to turn human misery into abstract wealth.
  • The neo-pagan, post-industrial, subliminal earth consciousness of Balkan state football hooligan groups, specifically as it relates to setting fires in occupied spaces at away games.
  • Bedazzling balaclavas, while still maintaining an Etsy- and Pinterest-free zone.
  • Wearing digital sock puppets for increased comfort.
  • How to psychologically justify to yourself that America is indeed still an exceptional meritocracy, and because of that, if you are smart enough and work hard enough, you will not be fucked.
  • Using paint-sticks efficiently on rusty objects.
  • How to treat the surface web and more covert deep web like a raised bed garden, using digital composting to bear life sustaining fruit not yet harvested by libertarians (aka The Alternate White Guys).
  • Back yard screen-printing.
  • Converting old government auction school buses to bio-diesel, and how to effectively bury recycled shipping containers for concealed lifestyles. (NOTE: This particular part will be specific to southern West Virginia.)
  • Appearing in real life to actually exist, to other animals.
  • Identifying future trends by communicating with forest spirits, who have basically been in hiding since 1672 on the North American continent, east of the Mississippi.
  • How to securely change your password with Google products without having to ever use auto-save again.
  • The art of burning bridges, enjoying the fire, fighting up stream, baptizing yourself in struggle, building new bridges, and then burning those too (and how to save fun metallic memento pieces from every bridge to weld your own Power Whirligig Nkisi).
  • Composing post-narrative resumes for a career-less world.
  • Increasing your personal brand’s worldwide presence through guerrilla means that are not necessarily cool or necessary, then feeling bad about it but being stuck with what you’ve done, and learning how to come to grips with what a piece of shit you were. And selling related t-shirts.
  • Squatting on, developing, and sharing intellectual property wasting its true potential because people are assholes who think they own every fucking thing they ever thought of in their lives.
  • Raising chickens, including proper hen-to-rooster ratios as it relates to egg productivity and quality of life, as well as further explications of gamecock vs. peacock cultural differences, and how the guinea hen sort of bridges those differences, which is why guinea hens are so goddamned annoying.
  • Where to find the least toxic blunt wrappers in the hood.
  • Living discreetly in interstate median strips, and how to get EBT benefits with no known address.
  • Counting to 666 by 7s, using only whole numbers.
  • Illegal emigration, and which South American rural area might be best for you.
  • How “WHOO!”ing like “Nature Boy” Ric Flair can benefit you in your everyday life, and figuring your way out of four common locks on our psychic energies.
  • Making your own stencil that says GENTRIFIED to spray all over everything every where.
  • How impact font is the comic sans of pretend-seriousness.
  • Creating effective memes and hashtags through the use of memes and hashtags.
  • How to write better books that will get published and sell a bazillion copies to everybody on earth and then you’ll be rich as fuck and never have to hear another person tell you how to write better because it’ll totally finally be done, like magic, FTW.
  • Culturing buttermilk at home, and using this as a basis to eat from-scratch buttermilk cornbread at least three mornings a week, thus increasing your ability to use a cast iron skillet which justifies the continued existence of cast iron skillets, which ultimately will become more important than smart phones, again. Also building cast iron skillet apps (aka recipes).
  • Whether yarrow tincture is actually the tinfoil hat people always joke about, and whether tinfoil hats may actually increase the damage done to your neuronal composition.
  • Monster catfish of the James River, and they symbolic relevance to our human struggle for equality worldwide, but specifically 85 miles in both directions off the river throughout Virginia.
  • Turning personal demons of self-destruction into dragon slayers what which you unleash upon the unlounging aspects of this crooked world.
  • How to successfully pretend you care about unimportant bullshit both online and in the post-modern workplace, so as to not call attention to what you’re really working on in life.
  • Making yourself more upworthy, by speaking pure truth at 1:32 mark, but literally blowing people’s minds into a thousand shards of newfound awareness at 3:48.
  • Plus assorted other recipes, anecdotes, and creation myths from my family’s 4.45 acre Bird Tribe Compound, currently co-spirited by the trickster nature of ravens and the healing nature of owls.
  • None of the above. Always none of the above. Perhaps. Who knows?

After the “talk” there will be a short break I guess, where we talk at each other on a more personal level, then we’ll have a Rojonekku W.F.A. Hand-to-Hand Haiku Tournament for all who choose to take part. If you aim to compete, bring yourself 20-some haiku. If you aim to watch, aim away. I hope you hit the target.