
A personal weakness of mine over the years has been AM sports radio. It is a soothing mindless banter that unfortunately, with too much listening, can leave you a mindless banterer. I go through waxes and wanings with the AM sports talk though, and right now am in an immense fuck-thatness, because my current job has me sitting by a sueprspeed constantly internetted computadora, and I can feel my brain's sharpness softening. So in the transit to and fro the ol' jobsite life pollution, when I unthinkingly click on the AM radio, almost immediately I go, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Like what if I died in a car wreck, and the shit was on Mike & Mike when I wrecked, and the cops show up and it's those two fuckfaces talking about losing weight to look good in leather pants because they lost a bet with some other talk radio fuckfaces over the Oscars or something, which is not inconceivable if you've ever listened to Mike & Mike. The cops and EMTs and bypassers who stopped to help after impact, after they came to terms with seeing a dead dude, would all be like, "Lolololol, what a fruity fucker." And I wouldn't be able to defend myself because I'd be dead. So they'd send me to the gay cemetary.
Anyways, even in the ridiculously lowbar lowered standards of sports radio talk, Jim Rome is on another level of douchebag. He is the radio epitome of the early 1990s fratboy type that thinks he's cool with black people because he listened to a lot of De La Soul while drinking Natty Lights with all his bros in college, the darkest of which was a little more directly Italian than the rest of them, like only one generation removed from the old country. And he uses the fratboy mentality on the AM radio to convince people how awesome he is, by treating them like shit, chumping on his followers constantly with his whole "less of you, more of me" schtick. But it works, apparently, though I've never met a person in real life who actually likes his show and listens consistently. I have to admit though, there's a lot of dumb shit in this American world that I don't know real people that really dig it, but the shit goes on and gets big nonetheless. I think I'm out of more loops than I realize and probably spend too much time wrestling pigs and listening to old albums in a dilapidated camper a gypsy jewish woman left behind my house than your average normal person does.
The latest final straw for me was, on one of the few times I have to listen to him, a month or so back... well let me explain why I listen to him every now and then if I hate him so much. There are two local sports radio AM stations, and one of them goes local shows at noon during the week, pre-empting the national ESPN sports radio network, and if it's football season and it's the two dudes talking about the Redskins, I can handle it. Even if it's those guys day and they're talking about the Capitals and the greatness that is Alexander Ovechkin, I can deal with it. But some days it's this retarded sounding dude and some hick chick lady talking about local high school baseball or some shit like that. I can't handle that, so I switch to the NPR talk station on FM and see what's on the Terry Gross interview show. If it's some boring ass bullshit, I go back to the sports radio other station, which means Jim Rome. So he wins by default, to this day.
Anyways, for years, he's made fun of drunk ass John Daly's country album and that one "You Don't Know Me" song. So he had Daly on this day I'm listening while drinking a ginormous hazelnut cream gas station coffee and reading the newspaper for a lunch break, and I think like most people probably did about how he's mocked that song by Daly for years. So John Daly goes into talking about his music and says something to the effect of how Rome might not have listened to that album, or that song, and really known what it was about, which was about some cancer kid that was gonna die but lived and is still alive and that song saved her life because she wrote the lyrics and creativity is catharsis plus can kill cancer and everything was awesome about it. Daly never said, "I know you made fun of it, you little cocksucker," but you could tell he knew what was up. Jim Rome, of course, is like, "I didn't know, John," and kisses his ass. And after the interview goes on for like half an hour (or at least as long as I listened) about how he didn't know and feels terrible and will never make fun of that song again and John Daly is awesome, and then reads 19 emails from his sycophantic listeners reiterating that points.
The thing is, that song is fucking stupid, cancer girl or not. If Jim Rome was a third of the man he pretends to be, he would've been like, "Yeah but, your music is not as good as your golf, John," or just straight up told him how much it sucked. But he doesn't. He acts like a dick when no one is around, and when they call him on it, he does the pussy-assed apology style of "I had no idea, I'm sorry" to save from getting his ass kicked.
That's probably why he's so popular on AM radio, because there's a lot of dudes like that. I am not like that though. And from this list, Jim Rome is not like for-real super famous or anything. He's fringe sub-culture pseudo-famous C-list style, and shit man, if I can't get there before I die, then I suck more than that John Daly cancer girl song does. So of all the names on this list, Jim Rome should be the easiest for me to achieve bottle smashing fruition with.