RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Sunday, March 22

S14: NCAA Tournament 2nd Rd Sunday Top Returning Scorers

The first round has come and gone, and these are the fourteen guys stealing scholarships from more deserving young people to bounce a fucking orange ball around for big money for the universities on the TV that have scored the most points thus far in their allegedly amateur career in the NCAA March Madness tournament. This list shifted around a bit from the Friday one, because that part of the tournament actually was fun to watch...
#1: Sherron Collins (Kansas Jayhawks, 107 previous tourney points) - He must have bloggered himself and saw me talk shit, because he lit up North Dakota State like mad on Friday. Of course, that is just N.D. State, but still, perhaps I shouldn't talk so much shit. Haha, like anybody reads this, much less the people I talk shit about. I am public, yet anonymous. Welcome to the future. #2: Levance Fields (Pitt Panthers, 99 previous tourney points) - Had a quiet yet efficient first round game for the #1 seed Pitt Panthers, which is really what you'd hope for from a point guard. #3: Sam Young (Pitt Panthers, 98 previous tourney points) - Pretty much works with the above Fields to be the perfect complement and set-up pairing for DeJuan Blair inside. #4: Taj Gibson (USC Magnums, 85 previous tourney points) - Led his team over Boston College on Friday, and really, they don't have that bad a team, and if Taj can keep it hype, not shocking to imagine them beating a rather unheralded Michigan State team. #5: Earl Clark (Louisville, 84 previous tourney points) - Hard to really gauge what Louisville's all about after routing a #16 seed. #6: Edgar Sosa (Louisville, 80 previous tourney points) - PUERTO RICO! HOOOOOOO! BLACK PEOPLE! HOOOOO! #7: Jerry Smith (Louisville, 77 previous tourney points) - A common man's name builds a fundamentally-solid player to lay the foundation for his flashier teammate's success. I don't know all that to be true at all, but it reads well. #8: Raymar Morgan (Michigan State, 75 previous tourney points) - Raymar has promised to show the world "something you haven't seen" during this tournament. I am wondering if he's not an Al-Qaeda cell, fixing to blow up the Triple H Metrodome. #9: Jerel McNeal (Marquette Golden Eagles, 74 previous tourney points) - Honestly, as bad as they've played the last month or so, I was shocked they won. They were my 1st Round Upset Special Lock of the Week. Good thing I don't gamble. Unless you consider over-extending myself through credit to where it all could crash in on me at some point, causing me to lose what few actual financial assets I have amassed as gambling. #10: Derrick Brown (Xavier Muscatels, 74 previous tourney points) - I used to look at this hobo book at my college library, and there was this martini glass graffiti saying "THE RAMBLER". I thought that mentally noteworthy. One time, while walking four miles home from the used book store one Sunday afternoon while living on southside, where I'd bought a $1 Thoreau collection, being I only had $1, a train came and I had to wait for it to pass. And I saw a martini glass "THE RAMBLER" graff on a grey boxcar. I was adrenalinized by this. #11: Terence Williams (Louisville, 72 previous tourney points) - Another Louisville Cardinal. #12: Goran Sutton (Michigan State Spartan athlete, 66 previous tourney points) - Senior center, at 6'10" is a towering presence because, for some reason, nobody grows tall anymore, unless they are some weird oafy kid from Russia. You'd think with all the hormones in our food and milk, and how girls are all growing way larger breasts now, dudes would be getting taller, and we'd have more 7-footers in the NCAAs, but it doesn't seem to be working that way. #13: Jason Bohannon (Wisconsin, 62 previous tourney points) - Solid Badger contributor for a couple years now, and still has another season of eligilibity to go. Wisconsin vs. Xavier should give me time for an Andy Capp-style nap on the couch this afternoon. #14: Dominic James (Marquette, 62 previous tourney points) - And all he did was wave a towel around on the end of the bench. You've actually got to feel bad for the dude, being their best player, but broken-footed, and impotent to help out with the game at all, although he's got the same, if not more, emotional investment than his teammates does.

Saturday, March 21

S14: NCAA Tournament 2nd Rd Saturday Top Returning Scorers

The first round has come and gone, and these are the fourteen guys stealing scholarships from more deserving young people to bounce a fucking orange ball around for big money for the universities on the TV that have scored the most points thus far in their allegedly amateur career in the NCAA March Madness tournament. The fourteen for this day are the same, in slightly altered order, from Thursday's first round list, which means no upsets occurred, which also means the tournament sucked on Thursday. And fuck Jay Bilas...
#1: Tyler Hansbrough (of the UNC, 242 tourney points thus far) - Again, I do not like Tyler Hansbrough, but honestly, having been near UVA and its ridiculously deluded fanbase which thinks getting VCU's Anthony Grant to be their new head coach is below them (even though the rest of the country knows he's a top tier candidate for any job), when I close my eyes to the certain invididuals like Hansbrough I do not like, I actually don't mind seeing that powdery blue-trimmed Tarheel uniform succeeed. It is a secret shame of mine. #2: A.J. Abrams (Texas, 174 tourney points thus far) - And Abrams pretty much lit it up from behind the 3-point line on Thursday, getting the Longhorns into their match-up today with Duke, who, unlike UNC, I could never root for, even if they were fighting AIDS. #3: Darren Collison (UCLA, 153 tourney points thus far) - Collison shut down Eric Maynor on the final shot Thursday, ruining what has been a glorious spring of VCU basketball fandom for me, where I took my 10-year-old kid to a couple games, and she was all stoked too. When she awoke Friday morning, I told her they lost, and she was sad. Actually, I made it all dramatic and explained how they were down by 1 with 13 seconds and Eric Maynor went down and took the shot... and missed. So fuck a Darren Collison (but even more so that weird Fast & Furious-looking Dragovic dude). #4: Antonio Anderson (Memphis Thuggers, 142 previous tourney points) - John Calipari's highly athletic team has been trash talking their second round opponent in Maryland, which won't mean they'll lose, but also shows what a bunch of streetballing all-star who can't properly conjugate normal verbs he has brought together. They'd be a shoo-in at Rucker Park, but I think, like usual, a Calipari-coached team will stumble somewhere along the way. #5: Wayne Ellington (UNC, 139 previous tourney points) - Picking up the inside/outside slack with Hansbrough well with Ty Lawson on the bench during their first round exhibition against Radford. #6: Ty Lawson (UNC, 113 previous tourney points) - And none of them this year. I haven't heard the reports about whether he's back for this second round game today against LSU or not, but the sports dork consensus seems to be the Tarheels need him back to win it all. I don't buy that. I think they're a better lock for the title with him, but even without him, that only downgrades them to amongst the five or six schools that have a shot to win it all. #7: Josh Shipp (UCLA, 110 previous tourney points) - Again, fuck UCLA. #8: Robert Dozier (another Memphis husky gentleman, 103 previous tourney points) #9: Danny Green (UNC, 99 previous tourney points) - The defensive minded starter in their line-up. #10: Scottie Reynolds (Villanova Wildcats, 88 previous tourney points) - And this should grow even more with the second round as they are playing a home game against a west coast team that travelled more than anyone. #11: Deon Thompson (UNC, 84 previous points) - Thompson, like Hansbrough, for some reason I cannot stand, and have to ignore his presence when I quietly and internally hope for the Tarheels to win. #12: Josh Carter (Texas A&M Agricultural Kids, 75 previous tourney points) - I hope this dude, in his senior year, lights it up today, because if I have learned to accept UNC in recent years, I have also learned I hate Connecticut more than almost any other team out there, other than Duke, because basically they're like Duke of the northeast with lower academic standards. #13: Damion James (Texas Syzzurp, 74 previous tourney points) - Wow, with the Longhorns facing the stupid Blue Devils tonight, I guess I'm pulling for Texas teams across the board today. #14: Greg Paulus (Dookie Blues, 74 previous tourney points) - Continuing a long tradition of fucking ugly ass whiteboys that Coach K constantly recruits to help them feel more empowered about being an ugly ass whiteboy. It is a cause close to Coach K's heart.

Friday, March 20

S14: NCAA Tourney 1st Rd Friday Top Returning Scorers

These fourteen dudes playing the basketballs today in the NCAA tourniquette, mostly all from major teams, have scoreded the most points in the previous three tourniquettes...
#1: Levance Fields (Pittsburg Panthers senior guard, 93 previous tourney points) - DeJuan Blair gets a lot of the gloss off this Pitt team, but Fields runs shit on the floor. #2: Sam Young (Pittsburgh Panthers senior guard) - And this guy is a hot shooter from the outside to complement Blair; really, it's a cliche, but having a pair of really good senior guards carries teams this time of year. #3: Tyrese Rice (Boston College Eagles senior guard, 76 previous tourney points) - Richmond, Virginia's, own gangstariffic b-ball scoring threat; I anxiously await him getting caught with weed on I-95 once he's in the NBA. #4: Sherron Collins (Kansas Jayhawks junior guard, 75 previous tourney points) - Highly overrated Kansas asshole, and you should never trust black dudes who end up going to play for Kansas, because I remember Menace II Society. #5: Earl Clark (Louisville Cardinals junior forward, 72 previous tourney points) - Rick Pitino has brought back quite the collection of thugonomic majors for what's probably his best shot at a national title since back when he had that Kentucky team with basically two five-man rotations of starters that he alternated using. #6: Edgar Sosa (Louisville Cardinals junior guard, 71 previous tourney points) - Matters not to me if he's from Puerto Rico or not because when I see him balling, Frankie Cutlass classics start echoing through my head, but all muffled like they're coming from inside a cinderblock building I'm walking past. #7: Wayne Chism (Tennessee Volunteers junior center, 70 previous tourney points) - Chism's style of wearing a headband all yamulke style is pretty damned pimp, but probably only because it goes well with Volunteer orange; if he played in red uniform or some weak ass dark blue, it'd look stupid, although maybe purple would look tight too; it's really a shame they don't let teams both wear dark jerseys because Tennessee/LSU games would be an aesthetic pleasure. #8: Jerry Smith (Louisville Cardinals junior guard, 70 previous tourney points) - I've never even heard of this guy. #9: Dominic James (Marquette Golden Eagles senior guard, 62 previous tourney points) - But won't be playing this year, as he broked his foot; still, he'll get to wear a suit at the end of the bench with class, doing his best Gilbert Arenas impersonation. #10: Derrick Brown (Xavier Muskateers junior forward, 61 previous tourney points) - My brain works like so - Muskateer turns into Muscatel, which makes me think of winos, which makes me imagine a pack of well-trained and groomed hoboes playing college basketball as part of a $1 bet by those two old white guy who switched Dan Akroyd with Eddie Murphy. #11: Taj Gibson (USC Trojans junior forward, 59 previous tourney points) - Saw O.J. Mayo come and go through Los Angeles, and now the media glare's not so bright this year; but Taj holds his own. #12: Jerel McNeal (Marquette Golden Eagles senior guard, 60 previous tourney points) - Must shoulder a heavy load with James gone from the active roster for the tourney, making Marquette one of the most likely early exits, considering they were a Top 10 team for half the year. #13: Raymar Morgan (Michigan State Spartans junior forward, 59 previous tourney points) - Tom Izzo's best hope to lead him to another big bonus for his already ridiculous college coaching contract. #14: Terence Williams (Louisville Cardinals senior forward, 59 previous tourney points) - Seems like he's been playing forever.

Friday Love/Hate

I love my family. It is a strange bunch, and the fake lord fucking knows the last thing anybody wants to read about is somebody else acting like they know shit about having kids. But still...
I hate writing with eyeballs in mind. The internet is for haters and the eyeballs have judgementality and self-import. I don't sweat it, but I think about how reactions will be reacted, which is fucking stupid. Like, typing this is stupid.

Thursday, March 19

S14: NCAA Tourney 1st Rd Thursday Top Returning Scorers

These fourteen dudes playing the basketballs today in the NCAA tourniquette, mostly all from major teams, have scoreded the most points in the previous three tourniquettes...
#1: Tyler Hansbrough (North Carolina Tarheels senior forward, 220 previous tourney points) - I have coached youth soccer for the past six years, and one major reason I do not like Hansbrough is because he looks like every asshole 7-year-old (yes, such things exist) who is less concerned about sharing sliced oranges at halftime than he is running up four goals on the assortment of halfwits, homeschoolers, and ADHD Christians I inevitably always end up with. #2: A.J. Abrams (Texas Longhorns senior guard, 148 previous tourney points) - Pint-sized sharpshooter with sculpted beard, so cuddly and soft in his little Allen Iverson armwarmer. #3: Darren Collison (UCLA Bruins senior guard, 143 previous tourney points) - Bruins written off pretty early by plenty of sports talking heads, but damn, Collison has played in three Final Fours already. #4: Antonio Anderson (Memphis Tigers senior guard, 129 previous tourney points) - Dude missed the potential game-winning shot in last year's championship game against the stupid Jayhawks, so should be playing with a burning heart of desire. #5: Wayne Ellington (North Carolina Tarheels junior guard, 114 previous tourney points) - Fucking inside/outside game with stupid Hansbrough and Ellington setting up to drain 3s... man I fucking hate UNC, and not so much because they're good but because they're stupid assholes that are good. #6: Ty Lawson (North Carolina Tarheels junior guard, 113 previous tourney points) - Luckily, he's got a sore ol' big toe right now, hopefully ruining UNC's hopes to cruise to another national title. #7: Robert Dozier (Memphis Tigers senior forward, 97 previous tourney points) - Another comeback from last year's rec-league all-star team John Calipari's mob-affiliated self-important ass, trying to help the ol' shithead get that national title he needs to justify himself to everyone who is tired of listening. #8: Josh Shipp (UCLA Bruins senior guard, 94 previous tourney points) - Is John Wooten still alive to be propped up in a luxury box to pretend he still understands what's going on and the UCLA faithful can feel like God is looking down on Ben Howland's newest collection of SoCal blue chippers? #9: Danny Green (North Carolina Tarheels senior forward, 84 previous points) - Well, they have like seven scoring threats, so Green concentrates on defense. #10: Scottie Reynolds (Villanova Wildcats junior guard, 80 previous tourney points) - Carried this team through extra postseason play last year. #11: Deon Thompson (North Carolina Tarheels junior forward, 78 previous tourney points) - Good fucking grief, the entire starting lineup makes this stupid list, meaning they play deep in tournament's every year, and they haven't really had anybody bolt early since Roy Williams' last national championship team, which I think was also his first. #12: Greg Paulus (Duke Blue Devils senior guard, 69 previous tourney points) - Somehow, during his illustrious whiteboy point guard career, Paulus got demoted down to coming off the bench for Coach K; only thing worse than UNC is Duke, and I'm pissed because the local CBS affiliate is running the Duke game instead of VCU's game, because it's so UVA-centric, even though everybody here hates Duke, and VCU is only an hour away. #13: Josh Carter (Texas A&M Aggies senior forward, 65 previous tourney points) - Shows you how solidly competitive, although unnoticed Texas A&M has been; they always make the tourney, win a game or two, then disappear into the maelstrom of second-tier major level college basketball programs. #14: Damion James (Texas Longhorns junior forward, 56 previous tourney points) - I don't even know anything about this dude to even maek a wisecrack about.

Wednesday, March 18

S14: Top 14 Scorers From Past 4 NCAAs

Since I will dork out and list the top 14 returning scorers (meaning scored the most points in previous NCAA tournament games) every day of the March Madness (because I did all that data-looking bullshit last year, so I'm gonna get something out of it, though it's mostly for my own entertainment, I just put it out inside the internets so people who know me think I'm weird and people who don't know me think I'm stupid), I figured I would share the top 14 accumulative scorers from the previous four tournaments, and where they is right about now...
#1: Chris Douglas-Roberts (226 total points, formerly of the Memphis Tigers, now of the overall past four years NBA's New Jersey Nets) #2: Tyler Hansbrough (220 total points, still with them UNC Tarheels, for one more stupid fucking year) #3: Corey Brewer (198 total points, formerly of the Florida Gators dynasty, now of the shitty NBA Minnesota Timerbwolves) #4: Joakim Noah (166 total points, formerly also from the Florida Gators dynasty, now with the Chicago Bulls of the NBA even though his teammates don't like his longhaired stuck-up ass) #5: Aaron Afflalo (166 total points, formerly of the mighty mighty UCLA Bruins, now with the NBA's Detroit Pistons) #6: Taurean Green (164 total points, used to be part of the Florida Gators Fab Five v2.0, now cold kicking it with Cai Zaragova in the Spanish League) #7: Brandon Rush (162 total points, was with the Kansas Jayhawks last year, with the NBA's Indiana Pacers this year... and I guess I don't need to clarify NBA) #8: Lee Humphrey (aka The White Guy on the Florida team, 159 total points, with the Gators like I just said, but now with Ratiopharm Ulm - which I think is a designer drug - in the German Bundesliga - which I think is some sort of S&M harness) #9: Stephen Curry (158 total points, still with Davidson in college, though the selection committee held out from mid-majors teams this year, so he's in the NIT, but he'll be back next year fools) #10: Randy Foye (155 total points, of the Villanova Wildcats, now also on the shitty Timberwolves) #11: Al Hoford (152 total points, was the final fifth of the Florida Gators, now starring with the upstart Atlanta Hawks) #12: Mario Chalmers (150 total points, on last year's championship Kansas Jayhawks team, now clocking groupie sluts with the Miami Heat) #13: A.J. Abrams (148 total points, was and still is a Texas Longhorn) #14: Darren Collison (143 total points, was and still is with the stupid UCLA Bruins)

Friday, March 6

Friday Love/Hate

Love: I love the way my simple assed paranoid mind works, that there's always a conspiracy behind things. I read the story of that Chinaman dude in Canada who cut the carney kid's head off on the Greyhound, and it made me think of how the one Chinese guy cut off a Chinese girl's head at Virginia Tech a month or two ago. I mean, cutting a head off a body can't be easy. But when I was reading the story today about the Greyhound killer (who got off because God had told him to do it), I got all spooked like there was some sleeper cell Chinese beheading crew walking among us all. So I went to the trusty internet (of course, started by the Department of Defense as an agent of disinformation), and the explanation was far simpler than I imagined. You see, in China, they still have public executions by beheadement, so it's not out of the frame of reference of your average Chinaman to have that in their minds when they get all bugged out and want to get medieval on somebody.
Hate: Pretty much everything. I haven't been doing shit creatively lately, haven't been working much at all, am broke as fuck, wrecked my truck into a deer, had to settle for aftermarket parts since no junkyard within three states had my shit, applied for food stamps, borrowed more fucking money from my mom, not much sexing going on, kids be needing thangs... it's just a lot going on. I have been reading more (meaning reading) which is nice. I never actually read books anymore because I feel it's a waste of the little free time I have. The thing is, I'm reading now because instead of thinking I'm gonna write dumbass books, I'm starting to think maybe I should just watch more old Hercules movies and forget about trying to actually do something with my life. I mean fuck it, I'm typecast by now. This all goes against my whole 36 year spiral of soaking it in, 36 year spiral of shooting it out theory that is part of the Rojonekku Redneck Ninja Manual (a work in progress), but I am full of contradictions. And then again, it's gonna be warm enough to kick it in the camper this weekend, rock out some hobo raps. The wife got her wizdom teeth yanked, so there's hydrocodone in the house. It feels like one of those rebirth spring weather let's get fucked up like the world's ending type of feelings building up.

S14: Top 14 Returning Scorers in the CAA Tournament

Like I said, I'm taking my eldest daughter to the Colonial Athletic Association semifinals and finals, which hopefully will feature my post-high school educational receipt giver VCU shooting for a berth in the NCAA tourney. It's been a while since I've been to a tournament style event, and I'm glad I bought the tickets when I actually had some money this winter. But anyways, like I promised, using my patented internet nerd-mining systems, here are the 14 returning players in the CAA tournament who have scored the most points in the previous three conference tourneys...
#1: Eric Maynor (VCU guard, 90 previous points)
- Maynor hit the shit that knocked Duke out in the first round of the NCAAs two years ago, and he has been suggested as a possible NBA caliber player, though that's hard to believe. I don't know if anyone from the CAA is even currently in the NBA. But Maynor is good - ACC good, but somehow he slipped through the cracks. And VCU coach Anthony Grant is on the hot track to a major conference gig, so VCU is that perfect storm of a better than mid-major player with a better than mid-major coach, that could cause some damage in the Big Dance. Except this is a down year in the CAA, and the league will probably only get their tournament winner into the NCAAs, making this weekend all the more important. Coach Grant got a boxing-style title belt made up for the VCU team, which they will carry with them onto the court during all games from here on out, with the thinking being it is their title belt to defend, and as long as they win, they keep it and get to keep playing. That shit is great. I am stoked. VCU is the #1 seed and plays the winner of Friday's Georgia State/Delaware game at noon on Saturday.
#2: Dre Smith (George Mason guard, 87 previous points) - #1 in your hearts, and your program. Leads the #2 seeded George Mason into the CAA tournament, where they hope to steal a spot in the NCAAs from VCU. Smith is Jim Larranaga's floor general, which is what I would say if this was cornball normal sports copy. Instead it's what I started to write after 7 Yuenglings, and then four words into the sentence was like, "What the fuck?" Dre Smith is a black kid being exploited by a suburban D.C. university to make money for the school. Their run a couple years back bankrolled everything from the athletic department to extra tri-colored pansies in front of the library. Get your's Dre Smith, because they got their's. George Mason plays their first game Saturday evening around 6 against the winner of the first round James Madison/William & Mary game.
#3: Leonard Mendez (Georgia State guard, 64 previous points) - Mendez must be pretty good, because Georgia State has never been that good to go deep into the CAA tourney, much less beyond that. They were most famous for being coached by Lefty Driesell when he was completely washed up. They are the #8 seed this year, playing Delaware at noon on Friday to earn a match-up against #1 VCU in an arena that's a fifteen minute walk from the VCU campus on Saturday. Mendez better sank some treys if they want to avoid weekend traffic heading south on I-95 back down to Georgia.
#4: Danny Sumner (William & Mary forward, 64 previous points) - William & Mary's only notable run in the CAA was last year in the tourney where they knocked off #1 seed VCU in the semifinals. William & Mary is coached by Tony Shaver, who used to coach white ass Division III Hampden-Sydney College near where I grew up. He got them to the D-III Final Four a couple times, and they lost a title game one year. William & Mary is a perfect fit for him because it's basically a basketball team made of a bunch of smart white guys. Danny Sumner plays the role of the token black guy who controls the team, because pretty much any white guy heavy into basketball wants to be down with the black guys anyways. William & Mary, though, is no better than the #10 seed in this melee, and will play James Madison at 6 pm on Friday with the right to play Old Dominion on the line.
#5: David Schneider (William & Mary guard, 50 previous points) - Schneider would be one of the many white guys on the W&M roster. They make Duke look like a Rucker Park team.
#6: Louis Birdsong (George Mason forward, 44 previous points) - Birdsong is the heat catalyst on the Mason team, the guy who is liable to bust out a thunderous dunk on a motherfucker and fire up the Patriots bench. That type of player in invaluable, especially in the CAA, where your standard starting line-up features three guards.
#7: Eugene Spates (Northeastern forward, 41 previous points) - Honestly, I know nothing about Northeastern, and I don't get paid to do this stupid shit at 1 in the morning. I don't even know where Northeastern University is, though it can't be too much further than southeastern Pennsylvania or south Jersey, because I can't see any of these schools really wanting to spend that much money in travel. I guess there's a team in Georgia, so maybe this is the far-flung team from the other direction. Seriously, in the time I thought about this, I could've done a google search and figured it out, but I refuse to do so. You are on the internet if you are reading this, and could do that yourself. You came here to wait for me to say something stupid, not be all factually correct. Northeastern is the #3 seed and will play the winner of the Drexel/Towson State game in the late game on Saturday night.
#8: Matt Janning (Northeastern guard/forward, 40 previous points) - Janning looks like that wigger Jason Williams kid from West Virginia that probably still plays in the NBA somewhere. Thus, I can't hate on Matt Jannings. Hopefully he does retarded no-look bounce passes too.
#9: Manny Adako (Northeastern forward, 37 previous points) - Goddamn, they are really trying to force me to google search some of this Northeastern nonsense, but still, I refuse. Fuck the north and fuck the east and double fuck a college all proud to be from there.
#10: Josh Thornton (Towson guard, 35 previous points) - A little peanut-headed looking dude who actually transferred away from Georgetown, which means he's got major conference game, trapped in a Towson uniform. Their chances to sneak through this battle royal probably rest heavily on the young Thornton's shoulders. Towson is the #11 seed (of 12 teams) and will play the Drexel Dragons in the late game on Friday night.
#11: Peter Stein (William & Mary forward, 34 previous points) - Man, these William & Mary kids had a lucky four-game run last year (although they lost the last of the four), and will be lucky to see Saturday morning in Richmond this year. Fuck them, although I feel bad because it must be hard to have cocksure attitude as a basketball player on a campus full of lesbian poetry majors.
#12: Gerald Lee (Old Dominion forward, 33 previous points) - A yellowbone looking dude who is actually half-Israeli and played there before coming to America to ball at Old Dominion University. ODU is the #3 seed and will play the winner of the Hofstra/UNC-Wilmington game on Saturday afternoon.
#13: Tony Durant (Towson forward, 32 previous points) - Not Kevin Durant, but Tony Durant, although the Towson Tigers sounds abouts as major league as the Oklahoma City Thunderballers or whatever the fuck it is. How did Oklahoma City get a major professional sports franchise anyways?
#14: Darryl Monroe (George Mason forward, 32 previous points) - The worrisome thing that sets George Mason apart from VCU or Old Dominion or Northeastern is the fact they have such an array of interchangeable guys who can score, and have swagger being they are from the mighty little George Mason University. This bothers me, because I don't want to drive to stank ass Richmond on a Monday night to see VCU fucking lose.

S14: Top 14 Scorers From Last Four CAA Tournaments

March Madness is getting started on the mid-major level this week, including the start of the Colonial Athletic Association tournament in Richmond on Friday. I bought tickets for the semifinals and finals to take my 10-year-old daughter to, since she's really taken to basketball lately (and is good at it too). Plus, we homeschool, so I want to start instilling in her now about going to college, and what better way to show off college life than all the stinking loser drunks who go to basketball games?
I kind of did this gimmick last year with certain conference tourneys and the NCAA tourney, top 14 returning scorers from the previous three seasons, but I figured I'd tweak it and list out the top 14 scorers in the CAA tournament from the previous four seasons. In other words, last four-year cycle of eligibility, these are the cream of a mid-major crop, so to speak (and where they are now too). I will have the top 14 returning scorers too because I am like that...
#1: Antoine Agudio (Hofstra guard, 133 points) - After a solid four-year stint as star of a upper-mid-level team in a upper-mid-major conference, Agudio parlayed his big fish in a small pond status (all-time leading scorer at Hofstra) into sniffing at NBA status, but just recently made his debut with the Albuquerque Thunderbirds of the NBA's D-League, working towards another 10-day contract somewhere in the NBA while he still has his youth.
#2: Folarin Campbell (George Mason forward/guard, 125 points) - Solid contributor during George Mason's Final Four run who was one of the last remaining stars of that team last season at the college level. This year, he is one of the few black dudes per team continuing their dream in Italy's Serie A upper league of basketball, playing for Solsonica Rieti, which also features an American player named Pervis Pasco. I think Pervis Pasco is a great fucking name and I might start a gimmick blog about a guy who runs a junkyard but has built a secret time machine out of an old Chevy Nova whose name is Pervis Pasco, and he's afraid that GM's impending bankruptcy might cause them to sell their time travel secrets available to any knowledgeable mechanic with some homemade Tesla coil experience. (According to Pervis, GM acquired these sciences by hiring former Nazi engineers who had rendezvoused with aliens before the end of World War II.)
#3: Will Thomas (George Mason, 124 points) - Another member of that Final Four team, and now the youngest American player on Belgacom Liege Basket, a mid-level team from Belgium's Ethias League, although they were Belgian Cup finalists as recently as 2007. One thing I hope that happens from this economic downturn is that the NBA crumbles completely and a hodgepodge multi-league insane system like FIBA has in Europe develops. I'm tired of the major sports system of drafts and players going to teams away from their homebases, or colleges for position in the NBA. Make shit crazy. It's not like most high-level basketball players aren't half-insane, and it's not like they'd be making less money. You'd just lose the Syndicate-style collection of rich owners like pro sports leagues have now in America, where you can't get in unless they own you. Jay-Z could already be operating a team in Brooklyn, starring Lebron James, and other megarich attention seekers who want to pretend like they're old money would be starting up similar teams. Oh man, it'd be fucking great.
#4: Loren Stokes (Hofstra guard, 118 points) - Second option behind Agudio a good chunk of his career, he has still circulated around Europe, currently employed by BC Odessa of the Ukrainian Basketball League.
#5: T.J. Carter (UNC-Wilmington, 97 points) - The former Seahawks star is now a bench contributor for the Duesseldorf Giants of Germany's top-level Bundesliga Basketball League, where the Giants are anchored towards the bottom.
#6: Eric Maynor (VCU guard, 90 points) - This is his last run with the VCU Rams, the highlight of his career being the game-winning shot he hit to sink Duke in the 1st Round of the NCAAs in 2007. Being he is still active, and I am also doing a list of the top 14 active players who've scored the most points in the CAA tournament, I will save my lengthy nonsense on Maynor for that impending list.
#7: Dre Smith (George Mason guard, 87 points) - The Patriots' star now that the Final Four roster has meandered their way away from Fairfax. And he's still got another year of eligibility at the college level. Mason is not as hot this year as they've been in previous years, but their still top 4 in the CAA, and usually those top four or five teams have a scrum for the NCAA automatic invite from the CAA for winning the tournament.
#8: Nick George (VCU forward, 85 points) - Former big man for the VCU Rams has bounced around Europe, and is currently playing for the Fastweb Junior Casale Monferrato team, second in Italy's Lega Due, or second level league. There is some strange Virginia pipeline to that team, as their star player is former Virginia Tech star Zabian Dowdell.
#9: Laimis Kiselius (William & Mary forward, 84 points) - Usually, William & Mary is a lower level team, but last year's CAA tourney, they made a run, threatening to win the title and be one of the two sub-.500 teams in the NCAA play-in game in Dayton. Kiselius was a big part of that. Lithuanian by birth, and played American by the grace of God, he's now in the Ukrainian Basketball League, starring for Ferro-ZNTU Zaporozhye, after a brief foray back home in Lithuania to play for Siauliai, which sounds Polynesian as fuck. I uncovered this quadruple record set of Hawaiian musics from the '50s under some stuff in a front room though, and we've been playing that bama at dinner time a lot the past couple weeks, so a lot of stuff sounds Polynesian as fuck to me lately.
#10: Carlos Rivera (Hofstra guard, 81 points) - Man, it's funny how I remember how Hofstra was the speedy team full of shooters, and you see all these guards who were prominent in their little circle during that time of the CAA, but now are just mish-mashed over the world. Rivera was most recently balling for Atlas Stal Ostrow Wielkopolski team of the Poland's PLK League, but is no longer with the team. Sadly, for the moment, it looks as if his dream of being a professional basketball player is sitting idle.
#11: Harding Nana (Delaware forward, 73 points) - Honestly, I don't pay attention to Delaware much. It's not a top level CAA school, and as a state itself, it's like America's Truck Stop where you stop to get blowjobs from hookers no one will miss if you decide to choke them to death. And you don't get taxed in the process. Harding Nana now plays the peach crate sports for a Spanish team called Beirasar Rosalia. She sounds beautiful. I bet she wears a white cotton dress, long black hair, olive complexion, walking around the courtyard as I look down from above... we make eye contact, and I can see the wind has hardened her nipples. But just then some children come running into the courtyard, and she herds them off into a door on the opposite side from me, looking back with a smile, pulling the hair behind her ear, smiling shyly. I turn from my open window and make a call home to my wife to tell the children good night. (It should also be noted though that Harding Nana is a Cameroon - or Cameroonian, or however is appropriate to say a dude from Cameroon, and is a great success story of the basketball that a dude from Africa could go to college in America and then get to travel around Europe, all from the basketball. Props to Mr. Naismith for working it out for so many.)
#12: Jesse Pellot-Rosa (VCU guard, 71 points) - There was one of those great special interest pieces in the Richmond Times-Dispatch last year's season about Pellot-Rosa, how he was living his basketball dream, hoping to play pro, married to a nurse with a 2-year-old kid, and just chasing his dream, them all living together about five minutes from campus. Now Pellot-Rosa is a foreign star for SISU Copenhagen in Denmark's Basketligaen league, after a stint in Iceland for something called Keflavik, not letting go of his dream easily. On one hand, it's kinda sad dudes can't give it up and move into a new phase of their lives, but then again, if you can get paid even a little bit, travel the world, and still play basketball as your main occupation of time, then fuck it. You might as well.
#13: Herb Courtney (Delaware forward, 71 points) - Again, it's Delaware, so unless it gave me penis sores, I don't know much about it. But Courtney is the only dude on this list not rocking it in Europe professionally. He plays for Asociacion Quimsa Santiago del Estero in Argentina's Liga A.
#14: Bobby Walker (VCU guard, 69 points) - Walker also played at Keflavik with Pellot-Rosa, which if you look at the Iceland Express League team pictures, it's like a bunch of generic euro-thugs from that one season of The Wire set on the shipping docks. Walker now kicks it with the Rotterdam Challengers of Holland's top level Eriedivisie league, making a way, the only way he knows how.