I didn't watch too much yesterday as it was warm so I did some massive back yard lounging with the kids. We made a picnic lunch and tried to figure out where to take it, then we were like, "Fuck... we own five acres. Let's eat our shit right here." So we did. I did get to see the end of the Stanford/Marquette game, and I have to wonder what the fuck is going on with Big East uniforms? Marquette, Connecticut, and someone else I can't remember, they've all got this futuristic cybertron shitty ass style going. It's the worst uniform trend I've seen since that kwanzaa zubaz trim that everybody rocked like a decade ago all of a sudden. But judging from NBA unis and even trends in the NFL and all, I would imagine the more Eurofag the uniform looks, the more stylish it is. I guess that's part of the price we pay for a devalued dollar. Here are the top fourteen money-taking point-making motherfuckers on the court for today...
#1: Tyler Hansbrough (North Carolina forward, 140 previous NCAA tournament points) -
The biggest 7-year-old looking motherfucker on earth led the way again for the Tarheels on Friday, meaning I have to watch his shitty mug on my TV another day. I cannot fucking wait for him to go the NBA, where I'll never see him again, because I don't watch that crap.
#2: Roy Hibbert (Georgetown center, 131 previous points) - I ragged on Hibbert pretty regularly for being soft, but he showed some aggression in their first round game, although getting aggro against University of Maryland - Baltimore County is kinda like suplexing a four-year-old.
#3: Chris Douglas-Roberts (Memphis guard, 109 previous points) - CD-R is a monster, and Memphis cruised, which they probably will like they have all year, until they meet quality competition. I don't know if anybody's called him CD-R yet, so I'm claiming I made it up, but I don't watch Sportscenter. Some Young Jeezy in a suit and whiteskin has probably already been repping the "CD-R" nickname for two years now. I'm out the loop.
#4: Chris Lofton (Tennessee guard, 106 previous points) - Lofton was pretty much non-existent during their first round game with American, which is why, although I thought they were upset-prone, they'll blow shit up today because Lofton's gonna go off at least one game before they exit the tournament.
#5: A.J. Abrams (Texas guard, 93 previous points) - Texas blew out Austin Peay, so the fact Abrams went crazy for 26 points was more like a shootaround than some stellar NBA draft resume highlight. Still, dude is a gunner.
#6: Jonathan Wallace (Georgetown guard, 88 previous points) - He and Big Man Hibbert were the one-two punch yet again. The satellite radio was fun because John Thompson Jr. was doing color on those games, and he was fair, but man, that was a guy I used to not like much but he's a straight up bro. Listening to the games on the radio has actually been far superior to watching them on the televisions. Thompson is a funny ass old dude on color.
#7: JaJuan Smith (Tennessee guard, 87 previous points) - Haha, I was wrong. It's not "jay-hwan" but "juh-hwan". My bad.
#8: Antonio Anderson (Memphis guard, 85 previous points) - Memphis does have a steady stream of speedy fuckers to run-and-gun on less recruitable colleges. But they seem uncontrolled at the same time, same way Calipari's best UMass teams seemed too before his failed stint in the NBAs.
#9: Stephen Curry (Davidson guard, 70 previous points) - Curry's is the big hype as a star-in-the-making, and it's hard to deny that shit. His point totals come from two games - 30 in their only game last year, and then 40 on Friday where Davidson won their first NCAA tournament game since the '60s. The thing I don't understand is how the fuck did Virginia Tech miss getting this kid? I mean, if one of your star alumni's son even has an inkling of superstar potential, they should've been all over that kid. Instead he's playing for Davidson? It's fun though to get behind a team like this, with one guy just throwing them on his back with a couple of role players hopefully getting lucky and helping out while they go up against major programs full of McDonald's High School All-Americans. I am hoping Davidson is this year's George Mason, except there ain't a George Mason every year. Stupid NCAA.
#10: Jessie Sapp (Georgetown guard, 68 previous points)
#11: A.J. Graves (Butler guard, 66 previous points) - One thing in all my nerdliness of gathering this data is I didn't bother to trace back transfer players' previous schools. Graves played at Oklahoma State, but downgraded from that place to being the big man on Butler's campus. And like almost every white boy guard regardless of program or level of basketball, he likes to throw up them threes.
#12: Juan Palacios (Louisville forward, 62 previous points) - Frankie Cutlass loves some Jesus. I know because myspace bulletins told me so.
#13: Ty Lawson (North Carolina guard, 62 previous points) - Lawson threw up 21 on Friday, and I don't mind him as much as Tyler Hansbrough. His Ty's probably for Tyrese or Tyrod or something way cooler than Tyler. White people suck.
#14: Robert Dozier (Memphis forward, 60 previous points)
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