x m a s i

ancient fossils spark a light;

I waste it on nonsense while

the third world waits in darkness

J.J. Krupert Top 13 Countdown – December ’10 #11: “Drop” by Earl Sweatshirt

Many rappers lose their chance to shine because they get sent off to jail or get murdered up, handling their business in the streets, but Earl Sweatshirt has disappeared from the rise of OFWGTKA (Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All) because as this pack of wacky skateboarding kids making music in someone’s bedroom had itself getting some internet fame, Earl’s parents heard his music, and promptly shipped him off to boarding school or a Christian reprogramming center in Utah or something. But Earl was the hottest rapper off the 19 CDs these dudes have released on their various websites in the past two years. I mean, I saw multiple rap nerd blogsites Best Songs of 2010 lists that had Earl Sweatshirt listed right there with shiny store-bought crap like Big Boi and Kanye West and Rick Ross, as well as underground jibber jabber like whatever Alchemist is doing now and whatever is the now flavor from Project Blowed and whoever is the new El-P. They got the internet going nuts, and are starting to have people pay to have them fly around and do shows, which has to be a slice of fucking heaven to a pack of goofy assed skateboarder kids in their late teens who love to say stupid things just to say stupid things. (At one point, my twitter feed - @rojonekku if you do that mind painful crap – was pretty much a battle of too many tweets between Lil B the Based God and Tyler the Creator and the OFWGTKA camp. I eventually got rid of Lil B because you can see him taking himself slightly serious and believing his own hype enough to think he can actually do things in life, like cure AIDS or at least send plenty of shell toe Vans to the Sudan for poor kids; whereas I don’t see OFWGTKA allowing themselves to ever be serious about something. Like if they do, they’ll backlash against themselves. It’s gonna be nonsense, suicide, and drug abuse most likely, plus really fucked up white women for wives who make them crazy.)
[Oddly enough, OFWGTKA is playing somewhere in D.C. next month on my birthday - Valentine's Day - and I would go if I wasn't an old ass white dude who has a stupid job to go to every day. But still, strange timing.]
Anyways, Earl Sweatshirt is out there on parental lockdown, institutionalized like Suicidal Tendencies twenty-five years ago. And yet his music is right here for you to hear, right fucking now. Man, this is a massively distracting world, isn’t it? I’m not sure I fault the good Mr. and Mrs. Sweatshirt for putting young Earl into whatever they put him into. Hopefully it’ll just repress him even more so that when he is released back unto the world, he is a foaming, fiending mess of sexual and psychological tension, ready to rhythmically unfurl itself upon an unsuspecting world always looking for the next big thing to attach itself to before anyone else does.
STEAL “Drop”
NEXT UP: 51 virgins, although not really virgins so much as women who lack menstrual cycles completely!

J.J. Krupert Top 13 Countdown - June '10 #1: "Grown Man" by Jhi Ali

Huntsville, Alabama's rap scene is much hyped as the next big thing, which is ridiculous on two fronts. First off, if you haven't been paying attention, there is no such thing as a next big thing in the music industry anymore. Dudes are lucky to sell 50,000 CDs/downloads anymore. The game has simply changed. Secondly, Huntsville, Alabama's rap scene is already big, like huge, full of all sorts of quality artists, usually revolving around the Slow Motion Soundz studio, and them motherfuckers are already getting to do things like go to Norway for tours or constantly book shows throughout what's left of the Chitlin Circuit that hasn't been shut down by the cops. Plus, the internet jocks the fuck out of them, which I'm sure means mad college girl punani.
Most of the hype started with the Paper Route Gangstaz when that Diplo dude "remixed" their Fear & Loathing in Hunts Vegas mixtape, although if you hear a lot of the originals, there wasn't a whole ton of remixing being done. They already had a weird old pop music sample-based sound going on that was kind of like screwed music but more for pillheads. As the internet jocking of PRGz spread, there are always those down ass expert whiteboys who have to be ahead of the curve, and know more about something than anyone else, and those types have been jocking G-Side, especially ST 2 Lettaz and the Huntsville International mixtape. This is fine, because it's good music, and I'll be honest, I still bump the fuck out of that Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas mixtape, which I consider to be one of the best shits to come out in years... way better than this Lil Wayne or Drake bullshit people act like is great. Then again I'm more of a take a pill, crack a double deuce, and ride around in an old car for about four hours straight type of guy, so it fits my stroll.
The thing I've noticed though is, by far, my favorite rapper from the Huntsville scene is Jhi Ali. That "Alabama" song off the Hunts Vegas tape is The Fucking Shit. Plus, he drops a tight verse on the "Rollin'" song by Jackie Chain (best Azn rapper alive!), and generally just has a fucked up voice like Lil Boosie, but raps about way different shit... basically being a country ass black dude who loves pussy and money and the country. I'm not black, but goddamnit ain't no doubt I love the country and I love pussy and I really don't mind money, though I don't want it to rule my life, even though it do.
This song is off a Slow Motion Sounds comp called V.S.O.P. III, and it's the greatest motherfucking inspirational self-motivation song to ever be made in the rap music. Seriously. Forget those corny ass old school '80s songs or that fucking Nas song where the kindergarteners were all talking about knowing they can. This is the type of shit you can wake up with in the morning, pump on the shitty boom box in the bathroom as you brush your teeth with the same ratty fucking toothbrush you've had for a year and a half, look in the mirror, seeing the cracks in the wall behind you and the mildewed shower curtain and the uneven paint job, and be like, "Yeah, I'm gonna be the bestest Raven Mack that I can be." And then you go out and do what you do.
Seriously, self help too often is out of touch with those that need help. I ain't trying to hear about no Jesus bullshit or learn how frybread and pork chops is going to kill me. Self-helping other types are starting by trying to hit a half court skyhook when they need to start with lay-ups. Roll up to dudes and be chill and be like, "Be what you can. Shit is fucked, no doubt. Try to make it a little less fucked every now and then. Can I hold a dollar, bro?" Often times the reality of life is all too real, and when outsiders roll in with these This Is How You Fix It mantras, it just pisses everybody off. Hell, that's why Africa is so fucked up to this day. People don't think, "Hey, let's try to make Africa not so fucked up a little bit." They think, "Oh they got AIDS and they got genocide, let's sell a bunch of goddamned red clothes at the mall and throw money into the air and feel better about ourselves."
I am veering off the point of "Grown Man" pretty far, but I would like to brag upon the fact that my 11-year-old daughter's favorite rap song has been this song for a while too. She also likes that "Alabama" song a lot, though "Stuntastic" was her jam off Fear & Loathing in Hunts Vegas mixtape. Man, one day she's going to read Hunter S. Thompson and have friends who smoke weed and just become more hip to it all and she's going to figure me out. Shall I deny it like most parents, or act like it was different when I did it because I did it, not her? I don't know. Fuck it. Parenting is more about figuring it out as you go than knowing what's right or wrong to do. Most of those fuckers who know what's right or wrong to do are the same types buying red sweat shirts thinking it will help Africa not have AIDS no more.
So basically it's a world full of fuckers, and I enjoy the fact Huntsville, Alabama, is making so much goddamned good music nowadays, to where if you've never heard of it, there's seriously an entire back catalog of awesome music you could dig into for months and months. And nobody knows about it. Which is good. Because if it became the Next Big Thing as in opening for Lady Gaga and Kanye West and eventually headlining their own stadium brouhahas, it would no longer be what it is - which is pure and organic as fuck (organic meaning it came about naturally, not it's sterilized of pesticides, because there's crazy pesticidal homicidal suicidal bullshit in nature) and perfect just the way it is. Were my two turntables and mixer and USB connector and 4-track not in a pile in the camper trailer underneath some stuff we moved out the front room of the house, I'd do a Huntsville sampler for your ass. But as it is, the clutter of my life will force me to share my words and this single link of a song that I think is the motherfuckin' shit for you to pilfer from inside the robot race and try to find some human soul twinkle in your very own personal all too real life. God bless you bros and sisses.
STEAL "Grown Man"
NEXT MONTH: Last month!

J.J. Krupert Top 13 Countdown - April '10 #11: "Ladies Night (live)" by Helder O Rei Do Kuduro

Let me just say up front that I can’t recommend the After the End of the World blog over in the link list on the sidebar enough. That dude has turned me onto a lot of music I never would’ve even given a chance otherwise, including this song, which though I have no aural proof to know so, makes me assume that kuduro music is the greatest shit to have sex with strange women to in seedy hotels where the owner speaks bad Portuguese.
Kuduro music is a type of dance music that blew the fuck up in Angola, which I didn’t know shit about. In fact, here is your short C.I.A. World Book-style Bio on Angola by Raven Mack’s brain: It is somewhere in Africa, not the totally wonderful western part nor the fucked up central part but kind of up towards the northeast part, just kinda centered, like maybe near that cluster of The Sudan and Kenya, just not so Muslim. It is one of the last communist countries on earth, and it has the most awesome fucking flag on earth as well, a gangsta as fuck red and black deal with a hammer and sickle except instead of sickle it’s a half of a cogwheel, and instead of a hammer it’s a machete. They also hosted the African Cup of Nations soccer tournament this past year, where the Togo team got shot the fuck up by Angolan rebels, which means there are people rebelling against the Angolan communist government, probably brainwashed by Radio Free Africa or some shit against their own traditions and into Wal-Mart Supercenters, not realizing Wal-Mart has old people in blue vests with a smiley face flag, not awesome machetes and cogwheels and all. That’s Angola.
But apparently, it was also a Portuguese colony, which means kuduro music has jumped the Atlantic over to Brazil (another former Portuguese colony) and holds some dance club sway in Portugal itself. It’s really interesting, all this time later, how the colonial rulers still benefit from the cultural tomfoolery of their former subjugates.
Okay, this song... Helder O Rei Do Kuduro, which means Helder the King of Kuduro. After listening to this song, I have no doubt about it. It’s crazy yell singing slow down then amp it up energy that sounds perfect to do amphetamine hallucinogens in a dingy third world country club to, who gives a fuck if you might get robbed on the way home but maybe you’ll just party all night because it’s safer in the daylight than at night anyways but then again you’re never truly safe so fuck it, let’s go rub up on that light brown woman with the beautifully big ass over there and see if she wants to get drunk with me and make abortions. I cannot begin to hype you the fuck up on this song enough.
I think I’ve said this about thirty-nine times on this blog, but it really bums me out that the so-called World Music scene is so stiflingly and stoned down to that boring fucking Putamayo style of homogenized foreigner music that’s perfect for selling organic vegetables to at Whole Foods, but not really the vibe or speed of the real rest of the World, at least not the parts that still have some of their soul left intact. This sounds like music you play on your djembe and then smash it into bits after you’re done and fuck the first animal that crosses your path afterwards, not get all soulful with your drum like it’s a goddamned bible or some shit.
So yeah, this song is the shit, bros.
STEAL "Ladies Night (live)"
NEXT UP: Music to drive drunk by!

(7s) Longest Serving U.S. Representatives #1 - Representative John David Dingell the Second (Democratic Cardinal of Michigan’s 15th District)

Holy fuck, I didn’t think I’d learn anything that would make me even less distrustful of these long-term career politicians, but in looking up this John Dingell dude who has represented the area of Michigan that encompasses the southwestern suburbs of Detroit, Ann Arbor, and over to the western part of Dearborn, I discovered that John Dingell Jr. won a special election, all the way back in 1955, assuming office on December 13, 1955. The election was special because someone had to fill the seat vacated by the death of John David Dingell the Senior, who had held that seat in the house since 1930, when the fucking thing was created. There has been some gerrymandering along the way, as the 15th became the 16th, with Dingell never losing the spot, and then it moved back to the 15th as the midwest started to decline in population. But how the fuck do you have an allegedly freedom-loving choice-driven multi-party system (yeah, I know, two ain’t much more choice than one) have the same fucking family hold down an important elected officials spot in a patriarchical order for 80 fucking years? EIGHTY FUCKING YEARS!
Dingell, as would be expected being from outside Detroit, has heavy ties to the automotive industry, and also, to his credit, loves both guns and abortion. There aren’t enough gun-loving, abortion-loving elected fuckers in my opinion. Dingell also was instrumental in the ‘80s at clouding the issue of the American government creating the AIDS virus, by disputing the claims of Robert Gallo of the National Institute of Health for having discovered the AIDS virus. Instead, as the story goes, through Congressional inquiry, it was suggested the it actually was “discovered” by the Institut Pasteur and a Dr. Luc Montagnier in France. And though in a shuffling of House control between Demolicans and Republicrats in 1995, the final report got lost and buried in the transition, the public questioning of the origin of discovering the AIDS virus moved the origin of the AIDS virus away from the NIH here in America. Who else could spearhead such a seemingly trivial clarification that would ultimately work greatly as a smoke and mirror device other than the guy who’s been inside the mahogany doors of Congress since six years before our current President the honorable Barack Hussein Obama was even born?

NFL WEEK 18: Wild Card Weekend

The NFL capped off an interesting year of their professional variety of the American football egg game with a lackluster week 17 that was uneventful as fuck. Like seriously, it was the one week of the year where both CBS and Fox had a doubleheader, but even in the few games that mattered, it still seemed lethargic and boring. Too much was already decided. And they want to boost it to 18 games, to make a few more weeks of uneventful football to push up home game revenues? Fuck that noise. But the playoffs are set, and next weekend means two great things for football fans - the start of one and done pro football, and the last weekend of the year we have to fucking listen to that godawful booth team of Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth. They, more than anybody, make me wish satellite radio didn't have the ten second delay behind the television rays. Anyways, here are the eight teams playing this weekend in wild card games...

#1: DALLAS COWBOYS (11-5, 4th overall) - Coach Wiggum finally whooped them boys into December shape. Now he can get r dun in January. Except Tony Romo, forever the employee of the month runner-up, already has an achey breaky back to use an excuse for flubbing up this coming week like he did the last playoff games Dallas had, the last few times. Tony Romo has still never won a playoff game, and the fact the Cowboys didn't fuck themselves up in December was like they cleared a new hurdle in life and don't have to try real hard to feel successful at the end of this season.

#2: PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (11-5, 5th overall) - The Eagles seem to enjoy being the underdog, on the road, expected to lose. It's like Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb don't like to be the favorites for fear of fucking it up. Or maybe they don't want to play in front of their own Philly asshole fans, because it sure seemed like they didn't give a fuck last weekend at Dallas. Maybe they wanted an extra week away in a five-star hotel, to chill in the (relatively) warmer climate, even though the Arctic blast is on nationwide right now. Whatever it is, don't let last weekend fool you... I would be shocked if the Cowboys beat the Eagles again this week. As bad as the Eagle defense has gotten, their offense is like an Arena League team in the vein of the '99 Rams Greatest Show on Turf. They could backdoor their way into another Super Bowl if bitches ain't careful.

#3: NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (10-6, 7th overall) - Wes Welker's double ligament blowout is a devastating loss to the Patriots, and might affect next year heavily having happened so late in the season, and ruins any hopes of playoff successes they might have entertained. Lucky for them all they have to do this week is play the New York Jets. Oh wait, they play the Ravens. Hahahaha. Brady's window shuts another inch.

#4: GREEN BAY PACKERS (11-5, 8th overall) - Last weekend's Packers/Cardinals game was a joke, but you know, the Packers defense has developed into a well-rounded monster, with strong pass rushing, solid veteran secondary, monster linebackers that look like vikings, and they will disrupt some shit. On offense, they lack the line and an abundance of offensive threats, but with a solid ass young defense and Aaron Rodgers, who has looked seasoned as well as solid, this could be a team for the next few years to worry about, considering the Bears are swinging low and the Lions are the Lions and Brett Favre might have this year and that's it in the tank for the Vikings, and that's all their division rivals. As much as it would be a media shitstorm frenzy, I'd love to see the Pack and Eagles both win this weekend and set up a Favre/Packers showdown in the stupid NFL playoffs.

#5: BALTIMORE RAVENS (9-7, 9th overall) - We live around and know a bunch of oversensitive hippie new age types, so the only dude around my regular life that actually likes a football team senselessly is a friend who likes the Ravens, actually the dude I bought my pigs off of, so I like to root for the Ravens just to see him happy. Plus, who doesn't hate the Patriots? Both Ed Reed and Randy Moss look like not-very-well-raised black dudes who have far too much money for their own good. Yet Ed Reed looks like a happy assed motherfucker who knows how to cook a whole pig inside a trash can (or more likely crabs up there in Charm City), while Randy Moss looks like a moody motherfucker for whom the allure of white pussy has long since faded, leaving nothing but an angry and unhappy man for whom nothing is good enough. Not the millions, not the touchdowns, not the screams of adoring children. Nothing. It would be nice to see Reed just lay Moss's cornrowed ass out one time, in the snow, a rumpshaker of a hit, just to see Randy Moss grow alligator arms for the rest of the game and be all pouty and moody during the final minutes on the sideline.

#6: CINCINNATI BENGALS (10-6, 11th overall) - The Bengals will unleash their full fur this coming week, against the most undeserving playoff team of recent memory in the Jets, meaning the Bengals will actually win a playoff game. The Cincinnati Bengals will win a playoff game. Unless of course Carson Palmer gets kneecapitated in the first series like a few years back against the Steelers. I think they could still win without him, at least against the Jets.

#7: ARIZONA CARDINALS (10-6, 12th overall) - Last year the Cardinals snuck through because no one really expected them to do shit. This year, again no one expects them to do shit, but nobody's gonna give them the benefit of a slack approach. Kurt Warner's god will fail him, I am sure of this. But if somehow the Cards and the Eagles make it to the NFC Championship game again, and it is a rematch of last year, and they win to go to the Super Bowl again, I will accept Jesus as my whatever the fuck he's supposed to be. So Kurt Warner, my soul is in your hands, if your wacky mythology is correct. You can save me like an African AIDS baby.

#8: NEW YORK JETS (9-7, 17th overall) - The Jets suck and shouldn't be in the playoffs. Mike Greenberg is fucking stupid and Rex Ryan is a fat ass. Mark Sanchez is one of those white Mexicans that gets all the pussy in the world and I hate him.