(I know it is already almost half through the month, but whatever. I rock the calendar of Islam. I'm still in the 12th century.)
This past month not much more came to my PO Box, which should be expected because this is the internet and that is a PO Box and those things are like oil and water and only make tarball clusters that clog up my goddamned personal daily wish list, where I'm like, "OOOH OOOH OOOH I BET SOMETHING AWESOME IS IN MY POST OFFICE BOX!" but instead nothing, and then in my gmail somebody sends me an email saying they like the same stupid fucking song I like. Yay for assholes.
Anyways, I have created a convoluted and retarded list of the three monthly people that will be whittled down each month so that there is a constant and fluctuating list of 9 people from my PO Box to get my new zine, which is zine only. Fuck the internet, and fuck people having things. No one deserves shit, except us humans, who do actually deserve shit. That's why the BP oil spill is a great thing. People can be all, "Shocking!" as much as they want and screen print wacky t-shirt designs that are barely clever plays on common cultural memes, but damn, we all bring this shit on, and the quicker it all falls apart, the better. Or something. But what I'm saying is there will be a constant 9 person list working (after next month's list), and as I do new issues (shooting for one every 2 months), the nine people on the list get a copy, as will five real life people who are soul infusers (not many of them in my life lately, to be sure, but I could think of five still), and I keep one, for a grand total of 15 copies per issue of the zine. In the age of over-information, I have decided to go limited edition as fuck. So adding to last month's list of three (RussMac in GA, Pitz Dogg in North Cackylack, and Ten Dollar David) are this month's top three people who have put things in my PO Box. And being only two notable voluntary hook-ups happened in that tiny little Box 270 Scottsville Virginia America Land of the Free Home of the Fuck it You Know the Rests, I filled in the third with a notable donor of personal treasure from the past.
#1: Mr. Leroy in Wisconsin - An actual indy publisher fucker who sounds and seems like an actual chill dude, but is also from inside the internet, so it could be an elaborate holographic trickery device by the devil. But the dude has been supportive, and got me included in a collection of crime fiction stories called Florida Heat Wave (where, I proudly say, mine is the only story where nobody got murdered), and mailed me the early review copy of it, plus an extra for me to give away on the blog, of which I will be throwing that contest up soon enough. So for all you fuckers who have known me somewhat at some point throughout our lives during brief intersections of paths who feel entitled to anything I ever accomplish to be a part of your miserable life too, this will be a chance for you to get that. But Mr. Leroy mailed me two copies of the first book I've ever been published inside of, so far as I know, and even though there's an extra "L" in my name throughout, it made me believe that all the dreams I've been too retarded to give up on all these years, even though recent post age 35 cynicism has started to choke the carotid artery of those dreams a little tighter each month, I was briefly enthused for my own future being a bright and wonderful golden spotlight beam into the heavens again. At least until the alarm clock went off about three hours earlier than I had hoped, yet again. 78.7 points.
#2: Downn Unnder Dann - Sent me the latest copy of his actual print zine, which featured a reprint of my big ass Me and Brown story, which is something I've always been proud of, but liked seeing in a glossy zine even more. I submitted that story to Riverteeth, some journal of creative non-fiction, and they rejected it, which is always to be expected when you submit anything anywhere. But it would've been a good fit for Riverteeth, if they weren't so pussy. Luckily Downn Unnder Dann is not such a pussy. And by the time he reads this, he will hopefully be the proud papi if a second child. Congratulations Dann. 42.9 points.
#3: Jersey Jared - Has not technically sent anything in the past month, but the third spot was between him and this dude Joel who bought me a subscription to Countryside magazine. Jersey Jared has sent me frou-frou coffee as well as a giant box of like 5000 pumpkin truffles from Godiva chocolates, that I think he got from his uncle who works in the Mafia or some bullshit. But he is number three, in month number two. 27.3 points.
So you know, if you actually made it this far, I am actually just about done with the actual zine, so it will actually happen. And better yet, I've developed a style for adding to it that will guarantee more issues. Because if there's one thing I've got inside of me, in abundance, it's more issues.
