F1RST B0RN KN4V3 0F 4 S0VTHS1D3...

firstborn knave of a southside 
suicide king who wandered 
off to death far too early 

N4TVR4L B0RN L0S3RS KN0W...

natural born losers know 
how to bluff their way into 
those long dark nights of the soul 

SONG OF THE DAY: Two of Hearts (kudzu'd)

Updated songs about cards from standard deck rankings: This has moved into the number one spot, moving John Lee Hooker’s version of “Jack of Diamonds” down to number two, and I guess Blind Lemon Jefferson’s version is number two-b, because it doesn’t make sense for it to take up more than one spot since it’s one song. And I guess Motorhead’s “Ace of Spades” holds onto third, though I’ve never really been able to come to terms with Lemmy’s racism, though I don’t really have to. I’m tempted sometimes to arbitrarily put Juice Newton’s “Queen of Hearts” ahead of “Ace of Spades”, but that’s not realistic, even if I was playing the 45 slowed. And this is just keeping it to titles as standard playing cards, because “Mr. Mudd and Mr. Gold” by Townes Van Zandt would be top dog if I went with cards as theme instead. And I’d probably include “Loser” by Grateful Dead, just because I love that song a whole lot (highly relatable). But keeping it limited, that’s the rankings, and slowed down “Two of Hearts” is untouchable. There’s a lot of distance between number one and number two. And it’s a great choice. Ace of Spades is obvious, like that’s almost a cliché pick for a song. Of course, cliches come from consensus thinking, so that likely also explains the racism. It’s easy to forget that despite everything, human culture has mostly propped up basic shit forever. The people love basic. They worship it. If you can make some basic ass shit, that just barely has a touch of “haha, I’m a tiny pinch of quirkiness applied to basic”, then you’ll be wildly successful. Beyond belief successful. Anyways, I hate earthlings.

SONG OF THE DAY: Scorpio (kudzu'd)

As I’ve come to dabble in cartomancy, two of the closest people to me in my life are both 5 of Diamonds. It’s a Pisces and a Leo, so I wonder about the other 5 of Diamonds out there. Scorpio 5 of Diamonds would be born on November 2, but I can’t think of anybody with that birth date. Of course, since I quit Facebook, I don’t know nobody’s birthdays. Facebook was only good for two things – remembering people’s birthdays, and destroying western civilization via propagandizing people lacking in digital critical thinking skills. As society has gotten more destroyed, I worry less about remembering folks birthdays. But it’d be great to know if Scorpio 5 of Diamonds could also be part of my apocalypse team or not.

SONG OF THE DAY: Smile Now, Cry Later (kudzu'd)

I got a Smile Now, Cry Later tattoo on my back the other year, but I’m not Chicano, so didn’t do the cholo clown face theme. I got my boy Cody (Black Raven Tattoos in Stuarts Draft, VA) to draw up one with hobo clowns, more fitting for my heritage lol. It takes up a big chunk of my back that I had been saving to get a King of Hearts, for my dad I’d always thought, because I have a Jack of Diamonds that represents me. But Suicide King doesn’t truly represent my dead pops I don’t think, he’s more of a 9 of Hearts, which is his actual birth card. Jack of Diamonds is actually mine, but I didn’t know that when I got it tattooed on my body. I mean, I guess I knew, in that vague Universal way, but I didn’t consciously know it. The more you look into regular playing cards cartomancy, it gets weird. Like the two people who have caused me the most distress in my life, a 3 and 4 of Spades. Two of the people who give me the greatest joy in life are both 5 of Diamonds. My youngest sister is a Jack of Hearts, and my other sister (the middle of the three of us) is a 10 of Spades. I think about how we were that close (one day) to being a household of three Jacks. As I learn more about cartomancy, I do so from the poker perspective my pops taught me well, so shit like that is important as well. I do a 7-card spread usually, and not just the cards that are flipped are important, but the hand you’re dealt is as well. I had been doing a tent-shaped 7-card spread, but recently I’ve been playing with flipping it, into a horseshoe shape instead. Anyways, all that is to say, I didn’t put that King of Hearts suicide card on my back, because it didn’t feel right, at an intuitive level. But the Smile Now, Cry Later hobo clowns feels natural and right as rain.

SONG OF THE DAY: Life Keeps Happening

Life does keep happening, if you're lucky. Not much else to say about that because I was practicing cartomancy on my back but never finished laying out the spread - it's just a jack of diamonds by itself, hanging there, waiting to be paired or combined with other meaning. This has left me in a constant state of high potential but imbalance ever since. I need to fix that shit, but I'm stuck right now just being. At least I thought so, but the human body is connected to the universe in ways the mind won't ever understand, so since my right side has that jack of diamonds and my left side is still blank, awaiting further fate, my left ear died on me the end of last week, like an old car. It'll turn over, but it lacks power, missing a few cylinders. Went to the earhole specialists and they did a millions tests and said, "shrug, come back in two weeks, let's try it again." Universe telling me, finish the spread, don't stand pat when the cards ain't been finished dealing. And that's how life keeps happening, trying to teach you lessons, but you always think you're too fucking smart to listen.