Cover story is about Africa. Apparently... and I did not know this, but Africa is completely fucked. Some writer went to Africa and got locked up by Sudanese oppressors for a couple of days and beat a couple of times and that's supposed to make us better understand a whole bunch of motherfuckers being deaded and sexed up like Al B. Sure but against their will. And of course there's a big Red ad inside there, that buy red bullshit where by buying a bunch of red clothes, the red clothes company sends part of the proceeds (meaning profits) to Africa to make Africa less like Africa, because white people's western ways are magically gonna cure all their ills. Except it was that type of thinking that fucked everything up there beyond comprehension in the first place, to the point some journalist has to be melodramatic about being locked up without a free press pass for a week, when, like I don't know, a bunch of people are thankful all they had happen was their hands got chopped off. If the red clothes company gave half a fuck for real, they'd just quietly send tons of money they use to make their stupid clothes to Africa in the first place. Except they don't want to be quiet; they want to be loud: HEY LOOK AT US! WE'RE AWESOME! WE'RE HELPING AFRICA NOT SUCK AS MUCH ANYMORE! WON'T YOU JOIN US IN FEELING GOOD ABOUT OUR ABUNDANCE OF STUFFS BY BUYING MORE STUFFS AND THEN THE PEOPLE WHO SELL US THE STUFFS WILL SIPHON A LITTLE BIT OF THE MONEY THEY MAKE FROM SELLING US ALL THE STUPID STUFFS TO AFRICA!
On the bright side, I bet all these lost boys from Sudan are gonna eventually make an awesome criminal wave of drug gangs in our cities in the next ten years, which we haven't really seen since the Cubans and Jamaicans of the '80s. I mean, the newspapers hype up MS-13 as a menace to rival Al Qaeda, except if you actually read the news reports of their crime activity, it's always very petty tribal non-neighborly type things, albeit with machetes at times. But I don't fear MS-13. Although maybe they surf the blogosphere for people who doubt their criminal prowess and now will hunt me down and chop off one of my typing hands. Hopefully they get the one with the gimpy ring finger from carpal tunnel syndrome. My god, sometimes it hurts so bad I wish I was in Darfur and someone would chop it off. You know what I mean?
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