RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Friday, April 25

S14: NFL Draft Concerning Top Ten Picks That Busted

Let us reminisce now over big draft busts of the recent years. These are the most previous fourteen guys who were a top ten overall pick in the draft who are not currently playing inside the NFLs...
#1: Pacman Jones (cornerback, 6th overall pick in 2005 by the Tennessee Titans) - Pacman is well known for his multiple forays into lawbreaking, but not really any noble forms of breaking laws. I mean seriously, how the fuck are you retarded enough to think that you throw money all over the floor at a strip club and the whores aren't supposed to take it? Anyways, the Dallas Cowboys have tendered a trade for holmes, but it's likely that he might not get reinstated to the NFL just yet, since he either was extorted or paid hush money to some dude, which usually when you get caught doing something like that and you go, "Oh, I didn't break the law; I was extorted and shit," the cops don't believe you. Jerry Jones has gotten crazy about the miscreant third chance troublemakers on his team, hasn't he?
#2: Sean Taylor (safety, 6th overall pick in 2004 by the Washington Redskins) - Dead. Man that sucked. It's really made me hate Dan Snyder more than ever, because Taylor's death was so senseless, but somehow the Redskins and Joe Gibbs came together and performed beyond their destiny, having a helluva run. And then Dan Snyder fucked it all up within ten days of Joe Gibbs going home to his leukemia grandson. R.I.P. Sean Taylor. (I'm not sure if they have the internets in Heaven or not, although I would assume not since the internets are mostly evil.)
#3: Johnathon Sullivan (defensive tackle, 6th overall pick in 2003 by the New Orleans Saints) - Man, the sixth pick in the draft is cursed or some shit, hunh? There is no tragedy or criminality involved with Sullivan, he just ended up sucking and is out the league already.
#4: Charles Rogers (wide receiver, 2nd overall pick in 2003 by the Detroit Lions) - An early part of Matt Millen's long-term quest to prove he's not a fucking idiot. Charles Rogers did not help much though. It's actually quite impressive a guy that was the #2 overall pick five years ago doesn't even play in the NFL anymore. I think even Ryan Leaf did better than that.
#5: Mike Williams (tackle, 4th overall pick in 2002 by the Buffalo Bills) - You know, offensive linemen are a hard pick to really justify to highlight-happy fans somewhere this high in the draft, so you better hope they fucking pan out.
#6: Jamal Reynolds (defensive end, 10th overall pick in 2001 by the Green Bay Packers) - Doing some internet researchs, Reynolds is notorious amongst Packers fans for sucking. I never heard of him to be honest.
#7: Michael Vick (quarterback, 1st overall pick in 2001 by the Atlanta Falcons) - We all know the deal with Vick. But at least he can be excited that Jerry Jones will probably be the first face to greet him, albeit a stretched surgically enhanced face, when Vick leaves Leavenworth. Apparently he is playing football there. I wish Adam Sandler hadn't ruined my The Longest Yard memories so I could pretend Michael Vick was remaking that flick.
#8: Corey Simon (defensive tackle, 6th overall pick in 2000 by the Philadelphia Eagles) - Simon actually had a pretty productive career, but injury forced him to retire last season. Godspeed, Mr. Simon.
#9: Peter Warrick (wide receiver, 4th overall pick in 2000 by the Cincinnati Bengals) - Warrick, of Florida State's Shoegate fame, really was an early frontrunner in helping the Bengals build their status as a team full of underperforming thugs. He underperformed so well he is out the league. And I remember him being considered the hottest receiver to enter the NFL that year.
#10: LaVar Arrington (linebacker, 2nd overall pick in 2000 by the Washington Redskins) - I feel sorry for LaVar, because he tried really hard, and he was loyal to the Redskins, probably far more than he should've been. From what I've heard from people who've dealt with him firsthand, Arrington was a really stupid person, although a really nice one too. He has been sponsoring boxers in the D.C. area lately, and it makes you wonder if a guy like him, so physically gifted but not really smart enough to read offenses, but probably smart enough to stick and move, he could've been a great heavyweight fighter had he been properly exploited as a youngster.
#11: Chris Claiborne (linebacker, 9th overall pick in 1999 by the Detroit Lions) - Never heard of this guy, I don't think. At least the Redskins won't be the only team with multiple representations on this list of futility.
#12: David Boston (wide receiver, 8th overall pick in 1999 by the Arizona Cardinals) - Boston was one of those prototype big strong receivers a few years back. I think he flamed out in Miami maybe, but I can't remember too well. It's hard for me to remember much of shit anymore, what with the constant barrage of electronic popular cultures. Cybertrons clogging up my neurons.
#13: Akili Smith (quarterback, 3rd overall pick in 1999 by the Cincinnati Bengals) - Haha, he's actually the posterboy for bad draft picks. There was an ad for something like that I saw in some magazine and I felt bad for the dude. He's out there somewhere, just an honest dude, living with that shame. I also feel bad for Dennis Dixon this year, because the previous to famous quarterbacks to come out of Oregon are Akili Smith and Joey Harrington. That probably will cost him a few picks alone.
#14: Tim Couch (quarterback, 1st overall pick in 1999 by the Cleveland Browns) - The state of Ohio tore it up in the draft that year. Both the Browns and Bengals picked what they would hope would be their QB of the future, their cornerstone, and neither ever amounted to shit. Such is the NFL draft. I am glad the Redskins are toying with trading like five draft picks for shitty Chad Johnson, because I don't have to wait for draft picks to pan out to realize my team sucks. They just go ahead and fuck it up right from the beginning.

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