RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Monday, November 10

Wild Blue Blueberry Lager

AFFORDABILITY: It was $9 for a 6-pack, which now that my credit card is just about maxed out again, is far too expensive. I am pretending that I am middle class and that the bullshit ways of American class systems will actually change under a mulatto President, so if it was a halfway decent beer, $9 a sixer might not have shocked me. Which thinking back to my brain from like two years ago, that's pretty shocking to even re-read. What the fuck is wrong with me? 0 out of 5.
DESTROYABILITY: It promises 8% alcohol by volume on the label, but fuck man, this is not a blueberry brewed lager... it is a fucking drink with like blueberry juice added. It tastes like a shitty soda, making it near impossible to even finish one bottle of it unless you are a autistic homosexual. 0 out of 5.
LABEL AESTHETIC: Kind of a weird Ralph Steadman-esque drawing of a blue dog kicking up a blueberry with his hind paws. If it was really all fucked up and murderous hallucinogenic like a bonafide Steadman, maybe it would be cool, but being this is a shitty soda beer and it's not Ralph Steadman, it is fucking stupid. 1 out of 5, just for the outside chance it's actually Steadman getting paid from some dumbasses.
CORPORATE MASTER: The company on the label is called Blue Dawg Brewing, from Baldwinsville, NY. I imagine it's some overweight half-Italian, half-Polish dude with a fu manchu facial hair motif because he loves Orange County Choppers. He probably started the company with his firefighter buddies after a moose hunting trip to Maine where they got drunk as fuck with some Micmacs they met. So I will give them benefit of the doubt. 4 out of 5, because I bet they have a hellafied softball team.
OVERALL AMBIANCE: Like I said, this is blueberry soda that allegedly has alcohol content. And it's a disgusting blueberry soda at that at. This might actually be the worst beer I've ever drank, other than Steel Reserve 211 or Keystone Ice. But Keystone Light is better. 1 out of 5.


Mike said...

For the record, this is an Anheuser-Busch beer.

Raven Mack said...

Well that would explain why it sucked so much. I don't understand why major beer makers are trying to muscle into the $9 a six-pack homobrew market, and all insidiously with fake brand breweries like this. And I am not a canned beer hater beer snob either.
I am sad there is no Blue Dawg softball team though. Just Anheuser-Busch new German exec corporate retreats to Aspen instead.