RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Thursday, March 25

S14: NCAA Tournament Top Returning Scorers - Sweet 16 Thursday

The Sweet 16 tips off tonight and it may or may not be a humdinger. I'll be honest, the second week is always a let down from the first week. But if Cornell can beat shithead Kentucky tonight, then I'm straight. I may not watch another game after that. Here are your top fourteen returning NCAA tournament scorers coming into tonight's games buffet...
#1: Da'Sean Butler (West Virginia guard; 92 previous points in the NCAA tournament, 37 in this one) - It's odd... mostly I hate big programs and their famous stars, especially with the Big East. But I like West Virginia, and I like Da'Sean, because he can be dominantly awesome, and he is, after all, Da Sean, which separates him from the wide array of regular Seans (and Shawns as well) in this world.
#2: Quincy Pondexter (Washington guard; 79 previous points, 34 in this one) - Yep, the number two scorer is a dude from the lowly 11th seeded Washington Huskies. This is perhaps why they are still in the tournament.
#3: Isaiah Thomas (Washington guard; 67 previous points, 44 in this one) - The little spitfire 5'8" spark plug who got his name because his dad lost a bet on a Pistons game back in the day has been like fucking lightning last weekend. The Washington/West Virginia game could be high-powered as fuck tonight.
#4: Andy Rautins (Syracuse guard; 64 previous points, 35 in this one) - Man, I hate Syracuse. I hope they lose by 40 to Butler tonight. Rautins is their latest, greatest, white hope, which stupid bigheaded Jim Boeheim always keeps at least one on the court as a starter.
#5: Jacob Pullen (Kansas State guard; 64 previous points, 49 in this one) - As much as I'm indifferent towards the Kansas State Whateverthefucks, it's funny to see them still playing and the Jayhawks gone already.
#6: Louis Dale (Cornell guard; 62 previous points, 47 in this one) - Cornell has been tearing up people, and were way underseeded at 12, although that doesn't really matter does it, because they settle it on the court, old school style. The Big Red is who I'm pulling for most out of who are left in this thing, at least tonight.
#7: Jordan Crawford (Xavier guard; 55 previous points, all of it this year) - Crawford is only a sophomore and is already halfway up this list, just from this year. Xavier is one of only two teams that have made it through the first weekend of the tournament the past three years all three.
#8: Shelvin Mack (Butler guard; 54 previous points, 36 in this one) - It has hard to have thought about Butler as an underdog because they've been wearing home whites the whole time, first against UTEP and then against Murray State. Now that they'll go to their dark uniforms against the evil Syracuse, I can properly pull for them.
#9: Matt Howard (Butler forward; 51 previous points, 14 in this one) - Butler star who has actually played the background thus far in the tournament because they haven't needed him at the forefront.
#10: Rick Jackson (Syracuse forward; 50 previous points, 17 in this one) - Almost every player who actually scores points for Syracuse has a last name that starts with a "J" not with a "G". That's a really vague and obscure Kurious Jorge reference.
#11: Wes Johnson (Syracuse forward; 49 previous points, all of it up in this piece this year) - The young sensation on this stupid fucking Orange team.
#12: Devin Ebanks (West Virginia forward; 44 previous points, 30 in this one) - Always makes me think of The Newlywed Game, which of course makes me think of how funny anal sex can be.
#13: Eric Bledsoe (Kentucky guard; 42 previous points, all of it in this one) - Bledsoe has been the leading scorer for the Wildcats in their first weekend, and he's only the third most ballyhooed freshman on his own team. Fucking ridiculous. John Calipari should get AIDS.
#14: Jeff Foote (Cornell center; 42 previous points, 28 in this one) - Big ass seven-foot whiteboy in the paint. Cornell has two guys on this list, and Kentucky has one. Team mentality vs. one or two and done NBA superstars in training. Go Big Red.

No comments: