Friday Love/Hate

Not sure what to hate this week, feeling mostly positive that I am getting better and nearing a return to functional society. I guess if I had to hate something, it would be stagnancy, because I am feeling that, and not liking that. But at the same time, I can actually feel a giant wound on my side closing, which is a weird as fuck feeling. Like if I lay in bed and think on it, I can feel the cells regenerating. Of worse concern is I have been achy, and the abdomen hurts at night, so I'll take a painkiller to go to sleep at times, and each and every time I do, I am afflicted with terrible terrible nightmares. Last night, they were some other level nightmares, where I would have the nightmare, which involved my wife leaving me for every other man on earth, and I would realize, "Hey, this is a dream, so I should wake up." And I would. Except I would wake up in a fake world where we lived in this house, and my wife would be laying there and I would be like, "okay, I'm awake, away from the dream, so I can go back to sleep again." And I'd slip right back into that wife leaving me for more every other man on earth situations. This process played it self out three of four times over, me keeping on waking up in this fake house world we had somewhere else in the universe, and then drifting right back into the same thing. Finally, at one point, I was in that fake woken up world, and was about to go back to sleep, but realized in THAT world that it was a trick my brain was playing on me. So I was like, "NO! This is not the for-real world. I have to wake up in the for-real world to get away from this shit!" And really it felt like pulling my head out of setting concrete, honestly, to where I got there to our actual house we live at, with my wife in the bed next to me, and the toddler in between us, and I just barely saw it through the haze and was about to go back to sleep, but immediately drifted back into the fake woken up world, and realized that spot was gonna launch me back into the fucked zone. So I literally had to pull my head out of concrete, tormented by these nightmares for like three or four hours already I would guess, and started walking around through the fake second level "I'm awake" trick zone, to where I was actually lifting my head off the pillow in my real waking world (at least as far as I know), and got to that point, and realized I had to actually sit up, look around, see my wife there, recognize our actual house and where I sleep and our stuff all around the room. It was 5:38 on the clock. Then I went back to sleep, and everything was okay. I had broken that nightmare zone that had somehow creeped into my head because of pharmaceutical influences. I am not sure how that works, but I have heard of people who take Ambien having shadow people hovering over their bed as they fall asleep, and apparently tremors are a normal side effect of a lot of prescription drugs, thus it's usually smart to mix in a joint if you are going to go to sleep under their influence. The whole thing got me really skeeved out about pharmaceutical drugs and the secret psychological implications built into them, that we've never been told. Most of my poor white street peoples - in the hills and trailer park ghettos, they have really taken to the pharmaceuticals in the past decade. It bothers me to really think about what this is doing to people. I'm a man of strong cerebral power, and yet had to sludge my way out of that multi-tiered real-as-life funkiness last night. Hard to think how much more difficult that could've been, and how tough a struggle it actually is for a lot of people in this American world on the underclass of things right about now. I know to lots of folks, it's just white trash who've made shitty choices in life. Yeah, and the stupid fucking lab rat just ignorantly keeps spinning his wheel, doesn't he?

I love America. I am running for the U.S. Senate, kind of, I guess. I sort of thunk it up, and then we'll just go with it. The goal is really to eat cornbread in a lot of public places around the state, get people to say they will vote for me enough so that I can get on the ballot, and then even if I finish last, who the fuck can say, "Yeah, I finished 3rd in the Virginia U.S. Senate race in 2012"? Like, there's 13 million Virginians or something, and I will have been Number 3. That's impressive, and I aim to make it happen. Plus, hopefully we can be annoying enough that whatever soulless robot lizards are stuffed into the suits marked D and R will condescend towards us, and warn people not to "waste" their votes on me. What a fucking scam they've got going on? "Why have more than two choices, because then neither one of the two will win outright?" Same thinking says we should just be given one fucking candidate, and vote for him whether we like him or not, because it would be a waste to vote for a guy who didn't win. Anyways, Corn Bread Party, because Tea is lame. We're not old ass British women; we're some hungry ass people.