RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition who publishes zines & physical books & electronic books & music & photography & digital art & just generally whatever feels necessary to survive this deluded earth thru Rojonekku Word Fighting Arts survival systems (Version 69, establish 14 Feb 1973). Comments encouraged.

Wednesday, March 23

L.E.o.R. - Spring '11 - Day Six - 67 to 40

I am psychically affected today by the Japanese radiation of the earth, as meant to control world populations in certain zones, and feel a level of concern with this issue that goes beyond the news coverage. Sure, they were quick with the disaster porn images for a few days post-tsunami/quake/reactor crack, but now that we've got bombs going over Tripoli, they've turned their attention to Gadhafi and Eurasia, who has always been our enemy. Never mind Bahrain/Tunisia/Yemen/Egypt/everywhere else, Libya is a fucking problem, and to encourage democracy there would be a watershed moment that makes peace for the entire world. Never mind they have tons of proven oil reserves or that we are basically helping an Al Qaeda offshoot gain power there. Actually if we want to never mind things, let's also never mind that Al Qaeda was CIA trained in order to combat Russian forces in the massively ragged mountains there. We can never mind all types of shit. Let's never mind depleted uranium weaponry that has made the grounds of Iraq and Afghanistan and Kosovo and anywhere else we go on these peacekeeping missions infertile wastelands with high birth defect rates. Never mind some of the tainted ground has shown depleted uranium-4, which means that somewhere in America, they have already tested and developed fourth generation nuclear weapons, even though we are allegedly not proliferating them anymore. Man, fuck a Barack Obama. I miss the days of Bush when they would lay the foreplay groundwork through the media to fuck us up the ass with things like the Iraq invasion. Obama doesn't even give us foreplay. Monsanto is now organic, nuclear and coal plants are green power, and we just start bombing Libya right after we turned a blind eye to like nine other countries in the same fucking region.
So yeah, Japanese irradiation of the earth. I am using the criteria today of who is more Japanese, and if they are not, then who would have a better post-nuclear army of mutants under his/her direction...
Day three (1 to 1): I really couldn't think of a better person to have controlling an army of nuclear mutants than Ghostface Killah. He'd have the lingo down pat, could make up a nice fake religious text drawing on his 5% philosophies, and I'd feel fine with the re-proliferation of humanity with Ghost at the helm. I have been reading that fake Ghostface blog, which is funny as fuck, because it's all so true. And at the same time, I knew it would catch flack since real life rappers are getting hurt feelings over the fake commentaries. I was wondering when Ghostface himself would shut it down, or more likely his label or agents on his behalf, because I would figure he'd probably not give enough of a shit to care. Advantage: Ghostface Killah, declared victorious.
Day two (1 to 0, Fulcher): Man, I'd be surprised if Henry Fulcher has ever been to California, much less Japan. Lazcano probably hasn't either, but there is no denying a practicing Mexican drug lord would be an excellent mutant army general. I mean, that's basically what he is already in this world, just instead of actual nuclear mutations to their genes, his minions just have severe environmental and social conditions that cause them to be completely desensitized to shooting children or beheading police captains and hanging bodies from bridges with signs that basically say, "Go Los Zetas!" but with one of those extra upside down exclamation points on the front that I can't type because my laptop is gringo as fuck. Advantage: Lazcano, tied 1-1.
Day two (1 to 0, Tyson): Jackie Tyson has been to California - used to drive two west coast turnarounds a month back in the day, but probably not Japan. Jack Chick is one with a born again Jesus God, so he's been all around the world for the most part, and at the missionary training school he's affiliated with, for every country they have not been, they have a blank grey flag hanging in the cafeteria. I actually ate at a place like that one time, doing an installation for a company I worked for. Place was creepy as fuck. They ate with their hands to be like the countries they were going to be doing mission work, and the one trainer dude was explaining to us how they made secret relationships with people by helping and then introduced Jesus to them privately, so as to not make it a public affair. Very insidious, but they believed they had to save people who were not aware of Christ. I was just kinda creeped out, and ended up taking a couple old Hustler magazines with me hidden in my jacket, and would bust ass to finish my area really quickly and then go into every dorm room (which were empty because we were installing very sterile "art" into these new dorm rooms) and tucking a nasty picture page into the ceiling tile above every bed. It is my hope that at some point, somebody in that dorm was trying to hide contraband and found a nasty Hustler picture in there. I guess I was doing my own missionary work, although I prefer to be on the bottom. Advantage: Jack Chick, tied 1-1.
Day two (1 to 0, Lewis): I've never seen catfish sushi so I would assume Jerry Rider has not gone to Japan, unless he want to grabble some koi. Jerry Lee Lewis is Mr. Rock-n-Roll and has been around the world a bunch of times and probably had children with 14-year-old Japanese chicks back in the '60s, and now those kids are like 40-something, and they might've been affected personally by this nuclear tragedy at Fukushina, and Jerry Lee Lewis may not even know, nor care. But that's his blood being damaged over there, even if it ain't in his own body. Blood is still blood. Advantage: Jerry Lee Lewis, declared victorious.
Day two (1 to 0, White): Not sure on this one. Neither seem naturally Japanese, and both have been involved in levels of odd fame that would make me think someone in Japan would bring them over at some point. So I'm gonna have to go the mutant army battle. Jim Brown's mutant army would obviously be a militant force, probably fed mutant power ideologies to make them not only feel stronger, but more confident in themselves, perhaps co-opting Soul on Ice or The Wretched of the Earth to apply to mutated genetics, and consider themselves not only equals in our post-Apocalyptic earth, but the very future of it. Meanwhile, I would assume Jesco White's mutant minions would basically be crazy hillbillies, but accelerated by their mutant craziness, so basically a bunch of dudes in a holler on super-crank. And really, the key difference here is the ideology behind the mutant armies. It is no coincidence that people who have a strong sense of faith tend to live longer lives, and I say that as someone without a very clearly defined belief system... well, I know what I believe but I don't have books to stack up to point out to make you understand it. The mutant with belief behind him is less likely to self-destruct or turn on his compadres. The super-crank hillbilly mutant is apt to fits of emotional betrayal, and turning on his own, then feeling terrible and wanting to come back. Jesco White's mutant army would eventually self-destruct, and would not be the unified fighting force that Jim Brown's would be. Advantage: Jim Brown, tied 1-1.
Day two (1 to 0, Mangrum): One has probably raced cars in Japan, in super fast blasts of 300 mph straight stretches a quarter mile long. The other has sang his twangy rock-n-roll music probably in Japan, and had sex with women there, who only knew him as a rock star. Advantage: Jim "Dandy, declared victorious.
Day two (1 to 0, Johnson): Neither is Jap, but John Waters is a first class wackjob that you know has seen and done great and amazing underground not-known-to-normal-humans things in Japan. That country seems pretty wacked out itself, and encourages bizarre obsessive compulsions that would get you a psychiatric prescription most places. Also, even if we threw out this figuring on my part, I would imagine a guy like Junior Johnson would not survive massive nuclear irradiation because while they were tweeting to everybody to not go outside, he wouldn't have a computer and would be patching fence on the back end of his property all day long, unaware of his thyroid blowing up like the World Trade. Advantage: John Waters, tied 1-1.
Day one: Kim Jong Il ain't Japanese, but he lives right across the Japan Sea over on the Korean peninsula, being a little crazy assed dude - the world's only artsy-fartsy dictator type. Advantage: Kim Jong Il, leading 1 to 0.
Day one: Matsumoto is the only for-real Japanese person in today's match-ups, and he is so incredibly and amazingly awesome that I refuse to even speak upon him until next time. Larry Flynt is Larry Flynt - a hillbilly legend who lived the American dream in truly hillbilly ways, but he has no Japanese blood to him, and probably respects that culture so very little. Advantage: Kunizo Matsumoto, leading 1 to 0.
Day one: Again, no Japanese blood. Williams has probably traveled to Japan more extensively, though by virtue of being a wacky Christian self-taught artist painting a giant mountain in the middle of a desert wasteland with messages to follow God, I would guess that Knight interacts with Japanese folks on a more one-on-one level more often. Plus, if it came down to mutant armies doing battle, I do not think Lucinda Williams would lead a very formidable mutant army. They'd all be depressed and mopey and drinking Budweisers all morning long. Meanwhile, Leonard Knight pretty much already lives in a wasteland. (Please watch Plagues & Pleasures on the Salton Sea, a documentary narrated by John Waters and featuring Leonard Knight, and really an amazing story about surviving amidst man's stupid stupid ways. I found it very inspiring.) Advantage: Leonard Knight, leading 1 to 0.

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