RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Friday, March 18

S14: NCAA Tournament Top Returning Scorers - Second Round Friday

First day of the tourney was as good as ever, even if the TV coverage kinda sucks with the new four-channel format. Actually, no kinda about it. One of the greatest things about the NCAA tournament's first two days was the sliding in to other games at the end where you catch the fantastic finish. I guess for some folks being able to slip between channels is more natural and exciting, but I just don't watch enough TV to be Captain Kirking my way through it like that. My little stupid ass smart phone has free March Madness on Demand, but where I live there ain't no 3G (thank god) so it does nothing because it would eat up my daily bandwidth on the satellite internet in like ten minutes. And when it shifts to audio only, it gives you the stupid fucking TV audio, not the radio broadcast, which is where it's at anyways. I think radio broadcast out in the camper is the way I'll go today.
Anyways, I'm running late this morning on things, so these blurbs will be quick and short, but here are the chump asses who have previously scored the most points in the NCAA tournament who shall be ballin' today...
#1: KYLE SINGLER (Duke Senior forward; 167 previous points in the NCAA tournament) - Kyle Singler is the favorite player for people born without souls. Kyle Singler is a huge piece of shit. Duke is a piece of shit. Why the fuck is Bobby Hurley's stupid ass in a commercial? Dear Dove Pretend Bullshit For Men Product, I will never ever ever buy you, because the first time I heard of you, it was from Bobby Hurley. I hope your stupid new fake product sells nothing and your company goes out of business along with everything else as capitalism completely fails on the earth so that only hardened survivalists are thriving, and playing basketball, and pussies like Kyle Singler have their heads on a stake.
#2: NOLAN SMITH (Duke Senior guard; 142 previous tourney points) - When you talk about how Coach K is basketball Hitler and Duke is an Aryan Academy of Athletic Eugenics, they're all like, "Oh come on, they haven't had a white black guy since Battier. Nolan Smith's a real dude." What the fuck ever Aryan enabler. Being Aryan in multicultural 2011 is a state of philosophy more than actual skin tone, and Nolan Smith is as Athletic Aryan as they come. Look at him.
#3: JAJUAN JOHNSON (Purdue Senior forward/center; 120 previous tourney points) - Johnson is the dagger thrower for a Purdue team that has had a solid nucleus of players for four years, albeit some of that time (like last year) damaged by injury. Still, with Johnson - the Big Ten player of the year, Purdue will be a tough out in the tourney, and sets up well to at least get through this weekend in Chicago, and have a potential showdown for Indiana supremacy on Sunday against Notre Dame, which will be full of racial undertones. Fuck Notre Dame too.
#4: E'TWAUN MOORE (Purdue Senior guard; 114 previous tourney points) - Moore is JaJuan's second on the Boilermaker team, and comes from that godless industrial sludge of hopeless sprawling ghetto muck that is the northwest corner of Indiana that is actually the east end of Chicago. Baller.
#5: COREY FISHER (Villanova Senior guard; 92 previous tourney points) - Even though Scottie Reynolds is gone, Villanova still has their pair of Coreys in the back court, which should make them at least a Sweet 16 team. Without Reynolds' takeover a game ability, they're not the threat they were last year. But it's still Villanova.
#6: COREY STOKES (Villanova Senior guard; 82 previous tourney points) - See above.
#7: ISAIAH THOMAS (Washington Junior guard; 80 previous tourney points) - Every year, there's a dude who is like the only great player on a team that is kinda unknown, but he can take shit over and nail the clutch shot at the buzzer, pop his dark-colored jersey to the camera, and for ten minutes, everybody's like, "Oh shit, did you see that dude?" Hopefully, Isaiah Thomas (not related to the social miscreant of Detroit Pistons/New York Knicks management lore) did not use up all that mojo last weekend winning that ridiculous Pac-10 championship game.
#8: DAVID LIGHTY (Ohio State Senior guard/forward; 61 previous tourney points) - You know, I'm just not gonna even talk about Ohio State. Big Ten basketball is an inferior form of basketball, especially when practiced in Ohio, and does not deserve discussion. If they could not win a title when they had that monster Greg Oden and whoever the little super freshman dude that was with him that year, they cannot do it on the back of Jared Sullinger.
#9: RICK JACKSON (Syracuse Senior forward; 54 previous tourney points) - I would much rather talk about Scoop Jardine, because his name sounds like fun. There is absolutely zero chance in life that Scoop Jardine does not end up being a basketball coach after his career is over. Zero. He will probably start at some smaller school, kinda like a Morehead State, prove himself, get a mid-level major job, but with a semi-urban environment, like Seton Hall or Boston College or something, prove himself, and then be a high profile "new era" coach for either Syracuse or St. John's. Guaranteed.
#10: MARCUS MORRIS (Kansas Junior forward; 54 previous tourney points) - The higher scoring half of Kansas's twin brothers combo who are just in their third year. Marcus and Markief Morris vs. Miles and Mason Plumlee in a fight - who you got?
#11: JON DIEBLER (Ohio State Senior guard; 52 previous tourney points) - See Lighty above.
#12: WILLIAM BUFORD (Ohio State Junior guard; 51 previous tourney points) - See Diebler above.
#13: ROBBIE HUMMEL (Purdue Senior forward; 49 previous tourney points) - Poor Robbie Hummel is still on the roster, sitting on the bench, after his second straight year having his season tore up by an ACL injury. So he's along for the ride still. Had he been healthy the past two years, Purdue might've actually had a shot at winning a title.
#14: SCOTTY HOPSON (Tennessee Junior guard; 46 previous tourney points) - Don't even know who this dude is, but the wheels have sort of come off of Bruce Pearl's time in Tennessee, after massive recruiting violations and only mediocre results. Whoever Scotty Hopson is, he's not Wade Chism and his magic headband.

No comments: