RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition. He does have an amazing PATREON, but also *normal* ARTIST WEBSITE too.

Saturday, March 19

S14: NCAA Tournament Top Returning Scorers - Third Round Saturday

Second round, third round, man I just can't wrap my head around this bullshit. At least four of the games are on regular folks TV today, including the Richmond/Morehead State showdown to be hyped up next weekend as this year's Cinderella story. Anyhow, here are the top 14 lifetime scorers in today's game, nine of the same as Thursday, in varying orders, with five new dudes. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST Y'ALL! But yeah, here they is...
#1: JACOB PULLEN (Kansas State Senior guard; 128 previous points in NCAA tournament) - Dropped 22 on Utah State on Thursday, and even though Wisconsin is a higher seed and all, I can't see them having nothing for this dude. Look at that raggedy ass black dude beard he has. He's a born killer.
#2: JIMMER FREDETTE (Brigham Young Senior guard; 118 previous tourney points) - In Thursday's game against Wofford, Jimmer Fredette had 32 points, 4 rebounds, 7 assists, and 19 blowjobs from the announcing team. I hate Jimmer Fredette. I am going to soak his girlfriend. (In case you do not know, soaking is the Mormon kid practice of not having sex by inserting your penis into a vagina and the two of you lay there without moving at all. And I am not really going to soak Jimmer Fredette's girlfriend. I am however gonna crack an empty forty bottle upside Jimmer Fredette's older brother's head for telling every old white guy in America that he's an aspiring rapper.)
#3: KEVIN JONES (West Virginia Junior forward; 85 previous tourney points) - Jones was a rebound shy of a double double against Clemson the other night, and sets up a West Virginia/Kentucky rematch from last year's tournament. It is impossible to watch a West Virginia game and not love Bob Huggins bulbous drunken angry ass on the sidelines. That dude is both the sketchiest and most solid major college basketball coach there is, all at once.
#4: GILBERT BROWN (Pittsburgh Senior forward; 84 previous tourney points) - Pitt blew out UNC-Asheville, so they didn't really have to try too hard, meaning Brown didn't even break double digits in the game, even though he played more minutes than anybody else on the Panthers. That's the result of a shitty night from the 3-point line. Probably might not want to try to repeat that again. You don't get to play 16 seeds every round.
#5: STEVEN GRAY (Gonzaga Senior guard; 82 previous tourney points) - You know, I talked all that trash the other day about how Gonzaga's mid-major success story is getting old, but whenever you see that team play, and their wacky assortment of players, knowing it's a small ass college on the West Coast, seeing Steven Gray with his tats and dreads and bi-racial complexion, you know it's the most straight up stoner assed college basketball team that ever did exist. Look at their history of players. It made me feel all good inside and want to root for them from here on out. Dare I say Steven Gray and Gonzaga vs. Jimmer Fredette and BYU tonight is an actual showdown between actual laid back people who want a chill life and uptight white ass people who want to force their morals on you. This game is a battle for freedom, and if you are not pulling for the Zags, then you are a fundamental assholitarian.
#6: CURTIS KELLY (Kansas State Senior forward; 75 previous tourney points) - Kelly is still just the other dude who is not Jacob Pullen to me, but he helps create a good inside/outside game with Pullen.
#7: ASHTON GIBBS (Pittsburgh Junior guard; 71 previous tourney points) - Gibbs was leading scorer on Thursday for Pitt, with 26 points, bumping him on up this list. I still do not have Pitt on my radar at all, and thus, I feel like they are a probable upset victim against Butler today, because I tend to think of myself of the center of the universe, and if I'm not thinking about Pitt, then they don't mean shit.
#8: JOE MAZZULLA (West Virginia Senior guard; 70 previous tourney points) - I love watching Mazzulla ball. Dude is a little spark plug of a fucker, and like I said, perfect for Bob Huggins and perfect for West Virginia.
#9: KEMBA WALKER (Connecticut Junior guard; 69 previous tourney points) - That's your star, with 18 points and 12 assists on Thursday. Oddly enough, sets up a Big East match-up in the second round, which is odd, because it went according to seeds. I know they used to always try to keep conference teams from playing each other before the regional finals, and would stack them so that if it played out according to seeding, they would never meet until the Final Four at the earliest. Of course, with 11 teams, the Big East complicated that this year. I still would've thought they would've seeded them and shifted them around, hoping that if it played out like they seeded them, no inter-conference match-ups would happen too early, like the third round, which is actually the second round. I guess I also read they didn't care so much for Big East teams that only played once during the year, which I'm assuming is what was up with Cincy and UConn. I hate Jim Calhoun, but know nothing about Cincinnati, so would prefer Connecticut win until I have something worthwhile to invest my negative energy into against the Huskies.
#10: JON LEUER (Wisconsin Senior forward; 69 previous tourney points) - A big ass white dude for Wisconsin. Gee, that's crazy. I'd never expect a Big Ten team to be built behind a tall ass, non-threatening white dude. Fucking racist ass midwest.
#11: DARIUS MILLER (Kentucky Junior guard; 53 previous tourney points) - Shocking that a player for John Calipari actually got onto this list, or has been at Kentucky for three straight years. That means he's had at least 20-some teammates already. Seriously, like half of Calipari's roster is freshman, EVERY FUCKING YEAR. I am by no means an "integrity of the game" guy, waving my arms around about how today's game is so much worse than yesterday's game. But I would not have a problem with them attaching number of scholarships to graduation rates. Or better yet, I think it would work well if you had say every dude who commits to your school counts five years of scholarships, even if he transfers or leaves early, to keep this shit from being crazy, like it is with Calipari. Of course with scumfucks like him, it would just increase how much they do under the table, and you'd have like four Top 50 recruits all going to Kentucky as walk-ons, while driving two-year-old Benzes.
#12: BRAD WANAMAKER (Pittsburgh Senior guard; 53 previous tourney points) - More Pittsburgh. More don't care.
#13: ELIAS HARRIS (Gonzaga Sophomore forward; 52 previous tourney points) - Harris is Gray's counterpart on the Zags frontline, and probably his buddy at playing Fifa World Cup on the Wii when they are high as fuck at an off-campus apartment.
#14: DARRYL BRYANT (West Virginia Junior guard; 48 previous tourney points) - Aka Truck, and when a dude is nicknamed Truck, even if you are going by media guides and official rosters, you should always make it a point to call the dude Truck. Nicknames are a great thing, and I am proud to come from a road where almost everybody has one. Luckily, I was named Raven so I never needed a nickname, though in my life I have had the following nicknames: Bird, Wildbird, Birdman, Ruben, Roo-Roo, Ray-Ray, Dr. Lounge, and Chuck. Sometimes I feel weird writing nonsense buried into long boring sports-related blurbs like this, because nobody sees this. Like seriously, maybe no one on Earth except me knows this last paragraph is here. But it is, like a tree falling in the woods.

1 comment:

UpHere said...

Like the scholarship/ graduation rate idea, but would it not guarantee 45 consecutive Duke tournament wins?