I portend to hate many things in life at times, and shit has been truly frustrating and tension building in my humble compound for me and the ol' lady, yet I can't say I hate anything for real. It sucks to be surrounded by the emotionally crippled who don't see that in themselves and are all confident they are in a rock solid upright place, when it's obvious to anyone looking in they are fucking disasters at navigating interpersonal relationships. But somehow my wife and I found each other and have enabled ourselves to be ourselves, if that makes any sense. There will always be fleeting physical attractions and chance encounters that tempt a man or woman into stray situations, but I can honestly say that I would not be who I am today without my ol' lady being there, not so much because she made me be anything in any particular way as the stereotype would suggest, but because she enables me to find myself, and actually encourages that shit too, no matter how ridiculous I get. In fact it seems we are both very young on our own ridiculous journeys into personal stratospheres, and yet completely conjoined on those paths at the same time.
I love feeling the aura rays shoot. I love feeling the energetics soak back into me. Walking the freight yard and abandoned power plant and sitting in the field underneath the crazy moons and floating on top of the river waters, these things have infused me. There are many other spots in mind to soak up the energies of this crooked world. I have been running on battery power for a long time, and am weakened considerably (yet still stronger than most, even in this vulnerable 2011 state), but it doesn't take much when you efficient with soaking it back in. It's also fairly amazing to feel these energies for the first time really in my life without the added haze of self-medication. I do not understand why so many people who give up drinking or drugging turn to bullshit religion because submission to a god is a sign of weakness and needing empowerment through others. I feel more fucking powerful than ever, though I ain't not atheist non-believer either. I don't believe in no god that they name, but I don't have faith in science to be telling the whole story either. There was an AM radio "debate" this week I caught part of on the local station that did that, and it was interesting. Actually the god dude had better points because you could tell he was prepared to answer what the science dude would say, with valid and logical questions, although ultimately his ending argument was basically, "how could there not be a god?" which of course is not so logical. Science depends on you having faith in the scientific process, which, with me being a research scientist, I can tell you is not so solid a foundation to be building your life's philosophies upon. Science will push itself as this ultimate authority that cannot be questioned, but that's what god used to do.
I guess I kinda think that there's got to be some sort of power that engineered shit a little, more like a stoned artist than an actual scientific engineer though, and mostly that source of things doesn't give a shit about what we do or what we are. So we evolve and adapt and believe the wacky things our brains think up or studies and fight each other over it. But if you get in a zone and shoot some of your own wacky power back up into the space side of things, sometimes that power - whatever the fuck it is - it catches sight of you and is like, "Oh snap, check out holmes down there doing his thing," and you get a little zap of daps back at you, and you can feel it, and I love that.
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