RAVEN MACK is a mystic poet-philosopher-artist of the Greater Appalachian unorthodox tradition who publishes zines & physical books & electronic books & music & photography & digital art & just generally whatever feels necessary to survive this deluded earth thru Rojonekku Word Fighting Arts survival systems (Version 69, establish 14 Feb 1973). Comments encouraged.

Tuesday, June 14

J.J. Krupert Top 13 Countdown - May '11 #8: "El Cuerno De Chivo" by Los Huracanes Del Norte


"El Cuerno de Chivo" means the horn of the goat in a literal sense but is street slang (or road slang, depending on which part you're from) for AK-47, because the banana clip looks like a goat horn. Now I'm no Ph.D. in Cultural Anthropology, but I played enough of Sid Meier's Civilization games to know there should be something more in between having goats and having machine guns, so obviously there's a developmental gap in the upward mobility of certain segments of Mexican society for this to have happened. You should probably go from herding goats around to building cities from shaped stone to some sort of industrial "progress" and get yourself to machine guns. Of course, Mexico has forgotten pyramids, and one of the most advanced ancient cultures on the early human days of the earthball, so that place is all sorts of all over the place when it comes to things like this.
I google image searched "el cuerno de chivo" and the first thing that came up was a gold-plated machine gun. (First off, this may not happen for you, but that's what I got, and I tend to keep my google account logged in, which is probably stupid, as all my results are skewed by their internal data, which sucks. I remember being high on acid one time back in the day, philosophizing with some homeboys also on acid at the same time, about this world of our's, and I rambled about how commercials with their highly targeted demographic data would one day be different on each television, like I'd get different commercials from you because they'd tailor each one to our individual viewing preferences. And I guess they were working towards that, but then the internet came along and made it easier, and now that's accepted normalcy. It goes so far as to have your search results polluted by what they think you might think you want to know about. This makes me think "Fuck!" really strongly inside my soul.) The fact there's a solid gold machine gun got me thinking about that being a funny display of how much you have. Somewhere in this world (most likely Mexico), there is someone who owns a solid gold dildo, which in itself is a funny thing to happen. Because it's not like there's a store where you just go buy a solid gold dildo if you so want. Most likely there's some sort of indiscriminately rich person, maybe a woman or maybe a dude in a very sexually open relationship with a woman, but someone with money and the power of fear was like, "Yo, I want a solid gold dildo because that's how fucking rich I am... I can think of absolutely ridiculous things and make them happen." So then that rich dude told someone who does things for him, basically a personal manager type dude, but for the criminal element most likely, and that guy had to hand off the task to someone else, or ask around about what type of jeweler or gold merchant or sex toy factory manager could make such a thing become reality, and more than likely involved multiple people like this. So now you've got this person, acting on command of his insane criminal bossman, finding a gold dealer and finding someone who fabricates sex toys or at least knows how, to go through the motions of actually building or using a dildo mold, making it work with hot melted gold instead of just poisonous plastics (ladies - I know it feels weird but glass is better, or at least go phthalate-free - your yoni will thank you in the long run), and has an actual solid gold dildo made.
Now you would hope that it would be a gag purchase and the guy would be straight with just the existence of the solid gold dildo. But who knows what else could be involved? The lady who ultimately uses it may not like the first one and demand a different shape. Or perhaps the person ordering it wants it to match his own penis and needs a special cast made of his dick. In fact, I could see someone with ridiculous money wanting a solid gold cast of his own penis made... I know I would were I in that position.
So the solid gold machine gun picture that comes up for "el cuerno de chivo" kinda trips me out, way beyond the initial, "Oh my god Myrtle, can you believe somebody actually made themselves a solid gold machine gun?" because that's what google with its racist ass wants you to think. It trips me out on the whole logistics of how a solid gold (or gold-plated) machine gun came to be. And it trips me out on whatever circumstances of conversation and streams of thought took place before that strange set of logistics was set into motion.
And yes, I do actually ride around in my old ass cameoneta listening to foreigner songs about machine guns, in real life. So there's a lot of strange logistics going into my day-to-day routines as well. It just hasn't resulted in an awesome first result for a wacky google image search yet. But I'm still young.
STEAL "El Cuerno De Chivo"
NEXT:
It's fun to make that old "you can take the (item A) out of the (item B), but you can't take the (item B) out the (item A)" saying into a sexual euphemism!

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