25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Arsenal F.C.

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

WORKING THROUGH A MISSED YEAR BECAUSE WE RE-LAUNCHING THIS BITCH ON JUNE 1ST, 2019!!! This would’ve been the Arsenal one last September...

#1: GRANIT XHAKA (up from #7 last time Arsenal was metaphysically ranked on 01-Oct-2017)

#2: HECTOR BELLERIN (up from #4 last time)

#3: SHKODRAN MUSTAFI (up from #8 last time)

#4: PETR CECH (up from #6 last time)

#5: NACHO MONREAL (down from #1 last time)

#6: MESUT OZIL (down from #3 last time)

#7: AARON RAMSEY (up from #9 last time)

#8: LAURENT KOSCIELNY (down from #5 last time)

#9: ALEX IWOBI (up from #14 last time)

#10: ALEXANDRE LACAZETTE (up from #25 last time)

#11: DANNY WELBECK (up from #17 last time)

#12: JACK WILSHERE (previously ranked #20 for Bournemouth on 15-Mar-2018)

#13: SEAD KOLSINAC (up from #23 last time)

#14: MOHAMED ELNENY (up from #18 last time)

#15: ROB HOLDING (up from #16 last time)

#16: ALEXIS SANCHEZ (down from #2 last time; also previously ranked #16 for Manchester United on 15-Aug-2018)

#17: DAVID OSPINA (up from #19 last time)

#18: AINSLEY MAITLAND-NILES (up from #24 last time)

#19: CALUM CHAMBERS (previously ranked #17 for Middlesbrough on 01-Apr-2017)

#20: PIERRE-EMERICK AUBAMEYANG

#21: HENRIKH MKKHITARYAN (previously ranked #18 for Manchester United on 15-Aug-2018)

#22: OLIVIER GIROUD (down from #11 last time; also previously ranked #18 for Chelsea on 01-Sep-2018)

#23: THEO WALCOTT (down from #12 last time; also previously ranked #17 for Everton on 01-Aug-2018)

#24: FRANCIS COQUELIN (down from #15 last time)

#25: PER MERTESACKER (down from #21 last time)