25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Brighton & Hove Albion F.C.

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

WORKING THROUGH A MISSED YEAR BECAUSE WE RE-LAUNCHING THIS BITCH ON JUNE 1ST, 2019!!! This would’ve been Brighton & Hove Albion on December 15, 2018.

#1: LEWIS DUNK (same as last time Brighton & Hove Albion was metaphysically ranked on 01-Jan-2018, which means it’s also his SECOND METAPHYSICAL STAR)

#2: SHANE DUFFY (up from #5 last time)

#3: MATHEW RYAN (up from #12 last time)

#4: DALE STEPHENS (down from #2 last time)

#5: ANTHONY KNOCKAERT (down from #3 last time)

#6: DAVY PROPPER (up from #11 last time)

#7: GLENN MURRAY (down from #6 last time)

#8: GAETAN BONG (up from #9 last time)

#9: SOLLY MARCH (up from #10 last time)

#10: PASCAL GROB (up from #15 last time)

#11: BRUNO (down from #4 last time)

#12: JOSE IZQUIERDO (up from #25 last time)

#13: BERAM KAYAL (up from #18 last time)

#14: EZEQUIEL SCHELOTTO

#15: TOMER HEMED (down from #8 last time)

#16: MARKUS SUTTNERI (up from #24 last time)

#17: YVES BISSOUMA

#18: DAVID STOCKDALE (down from #7 last time)

#19: MARTIN MONTOYA

#20: UWE HUNEMEIER (down from #19 last time)

#21: JURGEN LOCADIA

#22: BERNARDO

#23: CONNOR GOLDSON (same as last time)

#24: ALIREZA JAHANBAKSH

#25: SAM BALDOCK (down from #16 last time)