25-Man Metaphysical Roster: Wolverhampton Wanderers F.C.

[25-Man Metaphysical Roster is a football dork methodology meant to establish a listing of players who have been most active for English Premier League teams in their past 100 non-friendly matches. Essentially, it is calculated by minutes played, but weighted towards most recent games. The end result is a listing of the 25 players in a team’s recent history who have had the largest hand on their metaphysical sporting trajectory. The English Premier League was chosen because it is the highest level of football played in an English speaking country, and I speak English. Also, it is what comes on TV here in the USA, where I fucking live. And yet still I should clarify I hate English, and also America. Thus maybe I hate myself. Should I not fail in maintaining my unpaid deadline, a new 25-Man Metaphysical Roster will appear on the 1st and 15th of every month.]

WORKING THROUGH A MISSED YEAR BECAUSE WE RE-LAUNCHING THIS BITCH ON JUNE 1ST, 2019!!! This would’ve been Wolverhampton’s second review ever, done on April 1, 2019.

#1: CONOR CHOADY (same as last time Wolverhampton was metaphysically ranked on 01-Jun-2019, thus his SECOND METAPHYSICAL STAR)

#2: MATT DOHERTY (same as last time)

#3: WILLY BOLY (up from #8 last time)

#4: RUBEN NEVES (up from #6 last time)

#5: RYAN BENNETT (up from #11 last time)

#6: DIOGO JOTA (up from #7 last time)

#7: ROMAIN SAISS (down from #4 last time)

#8: RAUL JIMENEZ

#9: JOAO MOUTINHO

#10: JONNY

#11: RUI PATRICIO

#12: JOHN RUDDY (down from #3 last time)

#13: HELDER COSTA (down from #10 last time)

#14: IVAN CAVALEIRO (down from #9 last time)

#15: BARRY DOUGLAS (down from #5 last time)

#16: LEANDER DENDONCKER

#17: LEO BONATINI (down from #13 last time)

#18: ADAMA TRAORE (previously ranked #19 for Middlesbrough on 01-Apr-2017)

#19: MORGAN GIBBS-WHITE

#20: RUBEN VINAGRE (up from #22 last time)

#21: ALFRED N’DIAYE (down from #14 last time)

#22: DANNY BATTH (down from #12 last time)

#23: RODERICK (down from #16 last time)

#24: BENIK AFOBE (down from #20 last time; also previously ranked #23 for Bournemouth on 15-Feb-2019)

#25: BRIGHT ENOBAKHARE (down from #18 last time)