[Four Horsemen #2]
How many times did
J.J. Dillon scamper on
back with one shoe on?
How long would he wear women's
hose for depantsing angles?
~~~~~~~
[The Von Erichs #2]
Divine vision drove
Fritz Von Erich to push his
sons to the cold grave.
Best of Von Erichs Netflix
rentals won't resurrect lives.
~~~~~~~
[Submission Showdown]
Patterson - Graham:
who was wrestling's best finish
man? We all win here.
Unyielding forces collide -
that's what makes a main event.
~~~~~~~
[Bad Man From Borger]
Stan Hansen ate the
kobe steak that Yakuza
money had bought him.
Inside was tender and pink;
he chewed, mind on ranch repairs.
~~~~~~~
[Jackie's Legacy]
The Fargo strut must
never die; take ev'ry chance
to do it yourself.
I do it down morning halls
towards the bathroom mirror.
~~~~~~~
[Apter Mags]
Bill Apter spread the
photos out on the desk; the
story would follow.
Most came easy, but sometimes
he'd check "facts" with promoters.
~~~~~~~
[Blonde-Haired Babyface Lament]
A vicodin and
beer high can make you forget
your wife in Georgia.
Ten years later, child support
payments are pay-per-view gates.
Thursday, June 15
Wednesday, June 14
#95 RAP TAPES: Efil4zaggin
Efil4zaggin was hyped enough to get N.W.A onto the cover Time magazine, and listening to it now, a few things were obvious to me. First off, lyrically, Ice Cube was the backbone of N.W.A. Dre was never a writer, and Eazy was nothing more than a money man, and though Ren had skills, his were more based on the old school and very formulaic even through the new prism of gangsta rap. Without Cube, the album lacked lyrically a lot of times. The second problem was it being victim to Eazy-E's desire to put himself over so much as a modern day Dolemite. The skits on this album were terrible, shit that vaudeville comediens wouldn't use for a double album.
The one positive though is you can hear Dre find that g-funk sound on this record that he exploited fully on The Chronic. If there was an instrumental version of Efil4zaggin, sans the stupid skits, I'd be all over that shit.
Tuesday, June 13
Wrestling Tanka - Set Nine
[Starrcade '85]
Magnum made Tully
say "I quit"; a new blood feud
followed right away.
Few fights got that violent,
which is why it scarred our minds.
~~~~~~~
[Hammered]
I rolled a joint for
Greg Valentine, years after
his IC belt run.
Wonder if he faceplanted
into sofas as a joke?
~~~~~~~
[The Weasel Manager]
Ernie Roth knew where
to get Superstar's boas
for cheap - that's his job.
Valets fold robes; managers
accommodate a charge's needs.
~~~~~~~
[The Penis]
Lanny Poffo's dick
booked him in Japan; Sonny
Rogers told me so.
Penis spectacles carry
plenty of locker room weight.
~~~~~~~
[Son of the Saint]
Imagine your dad
was a Silver God: now you're
Hijo Del Santo.
Imagine you still shine through
such a tall shadow: that's rare.
~~~~~~~
[Dudley Boyz]
The Dudleys fight on
what cassette to play: Hank III,
Senior, or Junior.
Buh-Buh - behind wheel - chooses;
D-Von cusses Tennessee.
~~~~~~~
[$2 Program]
I always buy a
program. It adds a layer
of kayfabe on it.
Eleven-by-seventeen -
folded, stapled, with sponsors.
Magnum made Tully
say "I quit"; a new blood feud
followed right away.
Few fights got that violent,
which is why it scarred our minds.
~~~~~~~
[Hammered]
I rolled a joint for
Greg Valentine, years after
his IC belt run.
Wonder if he faceplanted
into sofas as a joke?
~~~~~~~
[The Weasel Manager]
Ernie Roth knew where
to get Superstar's boas
for cheap - that's his job.
Valets fold robes; managers
accommodate a charge's needs.
~~~~~~~
[The Penis]
Lanny Poffo's dick
booked him in Japan; Sonny
Rogers told me so.
Penis spectacles carry
plenty of locker room weight.
~~~~~~~
[Son of the Saint]
Imagine your dad
was a Silver God: now you're
Hijo Del Santo.
Imagine you still shine through
such a tall shadow: that's rare.
~~~~~~~
[Dudley Boyz]
The Dudleys fight on
what cassette to play: Hank III,
Senior, or Junior.
Buh-Buh - behind wheel - chooses;
D-Von cusses Tennessee.
~~~~~~~
[$2 Program]
I always buy a
program. It adds a layer
of kayfabe on it.
Eleven-by-seventeen -
folded, stapled, with sponsors.
#96 RAP TAPES: Return to the 36 Chambers: The Dirty Version
Man, I love ODB as much as anybody, but this record is like four great songs with a bunch of bad ghetto Hee Haw skits. It's like he spent his whole advance, then did the entire album the day before the A&R guy was showing up to pick up the masters to be mixed down by somebody who wasn't a Wu-filliate. I give ODB credit for that, because fuck deadlines and responsibilities and motherfuckers putting stifling ass demands on you all the time, but still, it makes for a shitty record to listen to sometimes if you're not in the mood. Plus, I'm sick of explaining weird sexual shit to my kids because of this, though the "fragile as eggs" thing gets a laugh even though they don't know what it all means completely. At least I hope they don't.
Monday, June 12
Wrestling Tanka - Set Eight
[The Heel's Heel]
Killer Tim Brooks hates
all men equally; watch him
work his dark magic.
Felt loyal to money and
mayhem - in either order.
~~~~~~~
[Russian Nightmare #2]
The most important
thing that Uncle Ivan taught
me: blade in the mouth.
And speak as if through gravel,
to make the children cower.
~~~~~~~
[Dr. Death]
"Stitch me up, doc - I
have a match tonight"; Williams
is a wrestling god.
Tore up Okie towns before
puro cults deified him.
~~~~~~~
[Old School Travel]
Isometric grips
on the steering wheel; big gyms
are for soft pansies.
Pint glass curls and knocking chips
off loud-mouth fan's shoulders help.
~~~~~~~
[Watching the Lights]
I popped my shoulder
back into the socket and
did the job - no choice.
Afterwards, I thought about
getting new fabric for trunks.
~~~~~~~
[Old School Travel #2]
Johnny Valentine
listened to opera and
so did all the car.
In-ring stiffness - old school like
out-of-ring intolerance.
~~~~~~~
[Hogan]
Without his chest hair
shaved into an H-bomb blast,
Hulk Hogan ain't shit.
Real Americans fessed up -
they were Stone Cold wise-ass drunks.
Killer Tim Brooks hates
all men equally; watch him
work his dark magic.
Felt loyal to money and
mayhem - in either order.
~~~~~~~
[Russian Nightmare #2]
The most important
thing that Uncle Ivan taught
me: blade in the mouth.
And speak as if through gravel,
to make the children cower.
~~~~~~~
[Dr. Death]
"Stitch me up, doc - I
have a match tonight"; Williams
is a wrestling god.
Tore up Okie towns before
puro cults deified him.
~~~~~~~
[Old School Travel]
Isometric grips
on the steering wheel; big gyms
are for soft pansies.
Pint glass curls and knocking chips
off loud-mouth fan's shoulders help.
~~~~~~~
[Watching the Lights]
I popped my shoulder
back into the socket and
did the job - no choice.
Afterwards, I thought about
getting new fabric for trunks.
~~~~~~~
[Old School Travel #2]
Johnny Valentine
listened to opera and
so did all the car.
In-ring stiffness - old school like
out-of-ring intolerance.
~~~~~~~
[Hogan]
Without his chest hair
shaved into an H-bomb blast,
Hulk Hogan ain't shit.
Real Americans fessed up -
they were Stone Cold wise-ass drunks.
#97 RAP TAPES: Steal This Album
I suffer from Expert Whiteboy Dialysis, which is where I can't like hippitty hoppitty shit that too many other white folks like. The Coup suffers from this, because Gin & Genocide was like a whiteboy Richmond in 1996 cokehead themetrack, so I heard it a bunch, to the point I hated it and everything it was perverted to stand for. Steal This Album is a great album, and the first one I think The Coup did without E-Roc, which took away any street twang and left them with nothing but Chomsky-ist povertyisms. I still dig this tape a lot though, the "Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada Last Night" is the most famous song, and a great one, but my favorite is easily "Cars & Shoes", mostly because I can relate, and also because I've forever since I heard it wanted to sample "in an '81 Datsun", because until I got my shitty '91 Volvo gunmetal colored stationwagon, an '81 Datsun 200 SX was my favorite car forever, so much so that I've still got it sitting in my front yard full of plastic bags of clothes to go to the Goodwill, should the car ever start again.
Wednesday, June 7
#98 RAP TAPES: Kool & Deadly (Justicizms)
Ahh... Just-Ice, a fine competent old school member of the Boogie Down Productions crew who was the most awesome thing ever back in the day with a song like "The Original Gangster of Hip Hop", then flew too far into the raggamuffin style and now stands the test of time like pet rocks, just not as retro hilarious. Two things you can count on with a Just-Ice tape: firstly, there's only going to be like eight songs, and secondly, two of those songs are going to be real bad and another three are going to be barely tolerable. I heard once that Just-Ice was from D.C. and is like a ghetto celebrity up there. I hope no one killed him for a North Face jacket.
Tuesday, May 30
#99 RAP TAPES: No One Can Do It Better
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Friday, May 26
#100 RAP TAPES: Gettin' It (Album Number Ten)
Too Short is an underrated genius of rap, but there were a few albums there after his move from Oakland to Atlanta where he seemed sort of unsure of himself and kind of played it safe with "beeyotch" heavy songs and cameo appearance by obscure Dangerous Crew allies. This is one of those albums, also Too Short's "retirement" record, although he's retired more than Terry Funk by this point, and currently is the motherfuckin' shit like Funk in ECW in '97. If you had to pick out a Too Short album, I could give you four or five to think about buying before even looking at this one.
Tuesday, May 23
100 RAP TAPES: Let My Tape Rock Till My Tape Popped
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Wednesday, May 17
Death Valley Driver Video Review #157 Hype!
DVDVR #157
This is the David Von Erich Memorial issue. The cover stays fly and was done by me motherfucker, fucking around with photoshop like every half-assed web design bartender who ever lived and is gonna set up somebody's webpage and get paid but never does.
Tuesday, April 25
Death Valley Driver Video Review #156 Hype!
DVDVR #156
DVDVR came out a few weeks back, with a bunch of crap about the Best of '80s WWF wrestling, which is like being a hot paralyzed girl in a wheelchair.
Monday, March 13
Wrestling Tanka - Set Seven
[Honky Tonk Man]
Punk Rock Wayne Ferris -
most dramatic change was to
a bitter old coot.
Could've been Jerry Lee to
Lawler's Elvis, but fell short.
~~~~~~~
[Nature Boy Jesus Christ]
The mantle of bleach
blonde tresses is a crown of
genius carny thorns.
Blade job stigmata is the
essence of wrestling's real soul.
~~~~~~~
[Video Package]
"The Anvil Chorus"
made for perfect videos
for Link and Sweetan.
Verdi's strings accented the
head-first dives and piledrivers.
~~~~~~~
[LEGDROP!]
The greatest moment
of impact - one inch before
the legdrop connects.
A cacophony of marks
drowns out the one, two, three slaps.
~~~~~~~
[Mid-card]
Mike Jackson's stubble
on the back of your neck as
the sleeper takes hold...
Eyelids shut, hearing the bell
ring, the crowd cheering calmly.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats #2]
Many workers die old
and alone, blankets spread on
arthritic kneecaps.
Gimmick plaques balanced on the
mantle, waiting to be hung.
~~~~~~~
[Cowboy Heels]
Black Bart chose to buy
a new duster instead of
resoling his boots.
An outlaw has an image
to uphold - wild long hair helped.
Punk Rock Wayne Ferris -
most dramatic change was to
a bitter old coot.
Could've been Jerry Lee to
Lawler's Elvis, but fell short.
~~~~~~~
[Nature Boy Jesus Christ]
The mantle of bleach
blonde tresses is a crown of
genius carny thorns.
Blade job stigmata is the
essence of wrestling's real soul.
~~~~~~~
[Video Package]
"The Anvil Chorus"
made for perfect videos
for Link and Sweetan.
Verdi's strings accented the
head-first dives and piledrivers.
~~~~~~~
[LEGDROP!]
The greatest moment
of impact - one inch before
the legdrop connects.
A cacophony of marks
drowns out the one, two, three slaps.
~~~~~~~
[Mid-card]
Mike Jackson's stubble
on the back of your neck as
the sleeper takes hold...
Eyelids shut, hearing the bell
ring, the crowd cheering calmly.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats #2]
Many workers die old
and alone, blankets spread on
arthritic kneecaps.
Gimmick plaques balanced on the
mantle, waiting to be hung.
~~~~~~~
[Cowboy Heels]
Black Bart chose to buy
a new duster instead of
resoling his boots.
An outlaw has an image
to uphold - wild long hair helped.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #155 Hype!
DVDVR #155
Another DVDVR out, with a highly disturbing cover. Only thing I did was meander my way through an old Smoky Mountain Wrestling show. Some very good shit in this issue though.
Wednesday, February 8
Wrestling Tanka - Set Six
[The Ragin' Bull]
Manny Fernandez
silenced all doubters with The
Flying Burrito.
Blue collar mustache, macho
rattail dyed blonde for some flash.
~~~~~~~
[Kiwi Mastermind]
Warlord Jonathon
Boyd's Commonwealth Army was
an expat's pipe dream.
Running around, condemning
earth salt Southerners as "Yanks".
~~~~~~~
[Hardcore]
A stiff chairshot to
the head - sure beats working at
Wal-Mart 'til you die.
Sad paralyzed vet greeters
sell the compassion angle.
~~~~~~~
[Minnesota Wrecking Crew]
I dreamt that I was
stretched by Gene Anderson; I
puked, then he hugged me.
His smell was thick with liquor
sweat and cigar tobacco.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik #2]
The Original
Sheik strode into a drugstore,
bought seven pencils.
Pulling crisp dollars from a
brown wallet, no scene was caused.
~~~~~~~
[Road Journal]
The notebook full of
amounts spent on hotels, gas
and food brings sadness.
Often, it takes many miles
to dull the gloss of young dreams.
~~~~~~~
[Mazatlan]
Cheap heat in border
towns. Change thrown in the ring gets
divvied up fairly.
Dollars, quarters and pesos
passed around like aging whores.
Manny Fernandez
silenced all doubters with The
Flying Burrito.
Blue collar mustache, macho
rattail dyed blonde for some flash.
~~~~~~~
[Kiwi Mastermind]
Warlord Jonathon
Boyd's Commonwealth Army was
an expat's pipe dream.
Running around, condemning
earth salt Southerners as "Yanks".
~~~~~~~
[Hardcore]
A stiff chairshot to
the head - sure beats working at
Wal-Mart 'til you die.
Sad paralyzed vet greeters
sell the compassion angle.
~~~~~~~
[Minnesota Wrecking Crew]
I dreamt that I was
stretched by Gene Anderson; I
puked, then he hugged me.
His smell was thick with liquor
sweat and cigar tobacco.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik #2]
The Original
Sheik strode into a drugstore,
bought seven pencils.
Pulling crisp dollars from a
brown wallet, no scene was caused.
~~~~~~~
[Road Journal]
The notebook full of
amounts spent on hotels, gas
and food brings sadness.
Often, it takes many miles
to dull the gloss of young dreams.
~~~~~~~
[Mazatlan]
Cheap heat in border
towns. Change thrown in the ring gets
divvied up fairly.
Dollars, quarters and pesos
passed around like aging whores.
Confederate Mack Issue 50 Hype!
You probably know the deal. $3.00 by mail or $3.50 by paypal (PO Box 569 Scottsville, VA 24590 or raven mack at earth link dot net). Always entertaining, never duplicating, half playa haitian, half expatriatic southern-american, zine nonsense. Issue 50 was all movie reviews done while imbibing alcohol, and it was accumulated over a couple of years, and when I first got it back, I hated it, but the feedback from those who held it in their own homes was that it was some funny shit. And I should probably stop drinking so much. Here's what's in that issue...
ALCOHOLIC MOVIE VIEWING THEMATIC ISSUE - it's an all double feature movie review while drinking alcohol issue.
MALT LIQUOR MOVIE REVIEW THEMATIC DOUBLE FEATURE - what started, watching Maximum Overdrive and Death Race 2000, drinking forties.
MILLER HIGH LIFE DOUBLE FEATURE MOVIE REVIEW THANG - this one is 40s of Miller champagne beer and watching Disco Godfather (starring Rudy Ray Moore) and Terminal Island (starring Magnum P.I.).
TWO MOVIES AND A TWELVE-PACK OF WHATEVER'S IN THE FRIDGE STILL - hodgepodge alcohol consumption and watching Deathsport (the "follow-up" to Death Race 2000) and Django (greatest western ever).
TRES LUCHADORES & MAS CERVEZA FOR PELICULA - thanks to the hook-up from Blockhead Dan, I was in the lucha flick mode, but I couldn't follow close enough through shitty VCR tracking, so I ended up watching some dollar store DVDs of Final Comedown (starring Billy Dee Williams when he was young and sexy) and Mitchell (starring Joe Don Baker when he was young and sexy).
TAKE THIS COCK AND FIGHT IT - late night bullshit watching Take This Job & Shove It and then Cockfighter, yet another visually beautiful Peckinpah serving
MISTERIOS EN LOS BERMUDES TAKE TWO - filled out the issue actually watching the Bermuda Santo, Blue Demon, & Mil Mascaras movie, which may be one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life.
ALCOHOLIC MOVIE VIEWING THEMATIC ISSUE - it's an all double feature movie review while drinking alcohol issue.
MALT LIQUOR MOVIE REVIEW THEMATIC DOUBLE FEATURE - what started, watching Maximum Overdrive and Death Race 2000, drinking forties.
MILLER HIGH LIFE DOUBLE FEATURE MOVIE REVIEW THANG - this one is 40s of Miller champagne beer and watching Disco Godfather (starring Rudy Ray Moore) and Terminal Island (starring Magnum P.I.).
TWO MOVIES AND A TWELVE-PACK OF WHATEVER'S IN THE FRIDGE STILL - hodgepodge alcohol consumption and watching Deathsport (the "follow-up" to Death Race 2000) and Django (greatest western ever).
TRES LUCHADORES & MAS CERVEZA FOR PELICULA - thanks to the hook-up from Blockhead Dan, I was in the lucha flick mode, but I couldn't follow close enough through shitty VCR tracking, so I ended up watching some dollar store DVDs of Final Comedown (starring Billy Dee Williams when he was young and sexy) and Mitchell (starring Joe Don Baker when he was young and sexy).
TAKE THIS COCK AND FIGHT IT - late night bullshit watching Take This Job & Shove It and then Cockfighter, yet another visually beautiful Peckinpah serving
MISTERIOS EN LOS BERMUDES TAKE TWO - filled out the issue actually watching the Bermuda Santo, Blue Demon, & Mil Mascaras movie, which may be one of the greatest movies I've ever seen in my life.
Tuesday, February 7
Confederate Mack Issue 49 Hype!
Stupid stupid zine, but it'll make you shoot cum out your nose, laughing so hard. It is available for $3 by mailbox (PO Box 569, Scottsville, VA 24590) or for $3.50 by paypal (raven mack at earth link dot net). Here's the rundown of what's in this issue...
DELINQUENT THOUGHTS OF A THOUSAND MINDFRAMES - stream of conscious bits and pieces that I originally intended to make the whole issue of, but stopped about halfway through.
CONFEDERATE MACK MAILBAG - got a VERY interesting letter from someone, which made me proud that budding unabombers love me so much, because I don't want them to blow my fingers off.
SUBURBAN COMMUNITIES OF MINDFRAME - wrote for my friend's activist zine which a bunch of anti-WTO hippie anarchists read, and my piece is sort of designed to make them feel weird about how closed-minded their open-mindedness is.
DEAD MEN & JUNKYARDS - from the last issue of Carbon 14, about a funeral back home I went to and junkyards in general and why I love having brokedown shit in my yard.
OBSCENITY, POWER, & PSYCHOLOGICAL DARWINISM - sort of sprung from the Max Hardcore thread on some message board, about him, about pornography, government, and just generally how perverted we seem to be (not meaning perverted like pissing in girls mouths, but perverted in what we concern ourselves with.
WORKINGMAN 12/YANKEEFIED BOSSMAN 13 LIST - 12 good things with tangents and 13 shitty things with tangents, I love doing these things and it's usually the best insight into where my stupid mind is resting at at any given time.
DELINQUENT THOUGHTS OF A THOUSAND MINDFRAMES - stream of conscious bits and pieces that I originally intended to make the whole issue of, but stopped about halfway through.
CONFEDERATE MACK MAILBAG - got a VERY interesting letter from someone, which made me proud that budding unabombers love me so much, because I don't want them to blow my fingers off.
SUBURBAN COMMUNITIES OF MINDFRAME - wrote for my friend's activist zine which a bunch of anti-WTO hippie anarchists read, and my piece is sort of designed to make them feel weird about how closed-minded their open-mindedness is.
DEAD MEN & JUNKYARDS - from the last issue of Carbon 14, about a funeral back home I went to and junkyards in general and why I love having brokedown shit in my yard.
OBSCENITY, POWER, & PSYCHOLOGICAL DARWINISM - sort of sprung from the Max Hardcore thread on some message board, about him, about pornography, government, and just generally how perverted we seem to be (not meaning perverted like pissing in girls mouths, but perverted in what we concern ourselves with.
WORKINGMAN 12/YANKEEFIED BOSSMAN 13 LIST - 12 good things with tangents and 13 shitty things with tangents, I love doing these things and it's usually the best insight into where my stupid mind is resting at at any given time.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #154 Hype!
DVDVR #154
A new DVDVR is up, with a nice write-up on great matches of the year, thus far, by Phil Schneider, who tricks me into wanting to watch wrestling yet again. I didn't do much in this one, as I've lost my smile of late. Wrestling seems too stupid, or too gay, or just not worth the effort. Just like hip hop needs a new Wu-Tang, wrestling needs a new Sabu. Or I need someone to mail me a Necro Butcher DVD.
A new DVDVR is up, with a nice write-up on great matches of the year, thus far, by Phil Schneider, who tricks me into wanting to watch wrestling yet again. I didn't do much in this one, as I've lost my smile of late. Wrestling seems too stupid, or too gay, or just not worth the effort. Just like hip hop needs a new Wu-Tang, wrestling needs a new Sabu. Or I need someone to mail me a Necro Butcher DVD.
Wrestling Tanka - Set Five
[CLAWHOLD! #2]
A black glove clamps tight
to a bloody forehead. The
fans cheer in dismay.
The heel's finisher tempts their
worst nightmares to become truth.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats]
Old workers say they
never watch RAW. Only their
TVs know for sure.
Aged carny hearts will always
patter for one last payday.
~~~~~~~
[The Bruiser]
Dick the Bruiser could
lick any wimp in the joint;
he drank up his beer.
Shoulders heavy with a chip
might mouth off, no more than once.
~~~~~~~
[Saito/Patera]
Wrestlers want their food;
stone sailing through fast food glass
shatters the night air.
Cops arrive, unaware of
the hefty fight awaiting.
~~~~~~~
[Captain Redneck]
Dick Murdoch could bump
like a pinball, be a real
goer in the ring.
Legit tough guy laying down
easy for the sake of show.
~~~~~~~
[Piper Promo]
How did Piper break
that bottle on his own head?
He just did, that's all.
Skills learned in barroom bets don't
need gimmicks nor trickery.
~~~~~~~
[WWC]
A cuspidor full
of cocaine made the trip to
Puerto Rico nice.
Jacked eyes watch for knife-wielding
fans while biting Colon's head.
A black glove clamps tight
to a bloody forehead. The
fans cheer in dismay.
The heel's finisher tempts their
worst nightmares to become truth.
~~~~~~~
[Cauliflower Alley Cats]
Old workers say they
never watch RAW. Only their
TVs know for sure.
Aged carny hearts will always
patter for one last payday.
~~~~~~~
[The Bruiser]
Dick the Bruiser could
lick any wimp in the joint;
he drank up his beer.
Shoulders heavy with a chip
might mouth off, no more than once.
~~~~~~~
[Saito/Patera]
Wrestlers want their food;
stone sailing through fast food glass
shatters the night air.
Cops arrive, unaware of
the hefty fight awaiting.
~~~~~~~
[Captain Redneck]
Dick Murdoch could bump
like a pinball, be a real
goer in the ring.
Legit tough guy laying down
easy for the sake of show.
~~~~~~~
[Piper Promo]
How did Piper break
that bottle on his own head?
He just did, that's all.
Skills learned in barroom bets don't
need gimmicks nor trickery.
~~~~~~~
[WWC]
A cuspidor full
of cocaine made the trip to
Puerto Rico nice.
Jacked eyes watch for knife-wielding
fans while biting Colon's head.
Thursday, February 2
Wrestling Tanka - Set Four
[Satanic Sullivan]
Sullivan's ink toss
stained Florida folks' sense of
family duty.
The Mulligan clan tried to
make things right: frontier justice.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik]
The Sheik pointed up
at places we didn't like,
poking prejudice.
To ask if all Gods are one
is worse than a fireball.
~~~~~~~
[Gordon Solie's Voicebox]
Solie's cigarettes
gave his voice the raspy edge
of serious sports.
Regular belts of Smirnoff
vodka didn't hurt either.
~~~~~~~
[Ages]
Wild Red Berry would
never carry a cell phone;
The Missing Link would.
Text messaging match results
lacks the proper characters.
~~~~~~~
[MSG Streetfight]
I thrilled to Slaughter/
Sheik in MSG, rightly
so. Were you born yet?
Memories of physical
events can't be burned to disc.
~~~~~~~
[Terry Funk]
Funk's punches are like
Chinese calligraphy, bold
strokes of unique art.
His blood takes a watercourse
path south across facial scars.
~~~~~~~
[Indie Lament]
Hot dogs and soda
as a payday, four-hour drive
back: paying your dues.
Too much pop country drivel
on the FM radio.
Sullivan's ink toss
stained Florida folks' sense of
family duty.
The Mulligan clan tried to
make things right: frontier justice.
~~~~~~~
[The Sheik]
The Sheik pointed up
at places we didn't like,
poking prejudice.
To ask if all Gods are one
is worse than a fireball.
~~~~~~~
[Gordon Solie's Voicebox]
Solie's cigarettes
gave his voice the raspy edge
of serious sports.
Regular belts of Smirnoff
vodka didn't hurt either.
~~~~~~~
[Ages]
Wild Red Berry would
never carry a cell phone;
The Missing Link would.
Text messaging match results
lacks the proper characters.
~~~~~~~
[MSG Streetfight]
I thrilled to Slaughter/
Sheik in MSG, rightly
so. Were you born yet?
Memories of physical
events can't be burned to disc.
~~~~~~~
[Terry Funk]
Funk's punches are like
Chinese calligraphy, bold
strokes of unique art.
His blood takes a watercourse
path south across facial scars.
~~~~~~~
[Indie Lament]
Hot dogs and soda
as a payday, four-hour drive
back: paying your dues.
Too much pop country drivel
on the FM radio.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #153 Hype!
DVDVR #153
Yeah, here's the most recent DVDVR, with a bunch of nonsensical rambling by me about working and workers and all that usual workingman hooha.
Wednesday, February 1
Wrestling Tanka - Set Three
[Russian Nightmare]
Nephew Nikita's
Communist clothesline was a
symbolic sickle.
Cold War waned as his baby
face turn grew - chicken or egg?
~~~~~~~
[Television Titles]
TV title belts
were old school infomercials,
meant to sell house shows.
If you can't win the belt in
fifteen minutes, try next week.
~~~~~~~
[Boy From NYC]
Raised by a gypsy,
Boogie kept his beard braided
and his hair unshorn.
A red Cadillac and a
custom trike kept him free, man.
~~~~~~~
[Strong Armed Tactics]
Tables set up for
arm wrestling challenges were
meant to get broken.
Delightful plunge into your
well of kayfabe destiny.
~~~~~~~
[Starrcade '83]
Piper/Valentine
chained like angry animals
'til grudges subside.
Atavastic savagery,
blood trickles into eardrum.
~~~~~~~
[Highspots]
Simple moonsaults pop
crowds - this is mistaken as
causing emotion.
Function abandoning form,
skills learned from cold VCRs.
~~~~~~~
[Memphis Mayhem]
Wildfire waits under
the ring, nursing Millers as
the night grows louder.
Peeing into cans before
Lawler gets the big beatdown.
Nephew Nikita's
Communist clothesline was a
symbolic sickle.
Cold War waned as his baby
face turn grew - chicken or egg?
~~~~~~~
[Television Titles]
TV title belts
were old school infomercials,
meant to sell house shows.
If you can't win the belt in
fifteen minutes, try next week.
~~~~~~~
[Boy From NYC]
Raised by a gypsy,
Boogie kept his beard braided
and his hair unshorn.
A red Cadillac and a
custom trike kept him free, man.
~~~~~~~
[Strong Armed Tactics]
Tables set up for
arm wrestling challenges were
meant to get broken.
Delightful plunge into your
well of kayfabe destiny.
~~~~~~~
[Starrcade '83]
Piper/Valentine
chained like angry animals
'til grudges subside.
Atavastic savagery,
blood trickles into eardrum.
~~~~~~~
[Highspots]
Simple moonsaults pop
crowds - this is mistaken as
causing emotion.
Function abandoning form,
skills learned from cold VCRs.
~~~~~~~
[Memphis Mayhem]
Wildfire waits under
the ring, nursing Millers as
the night grows louder.
Peeing into cans before
Lawler gets the big beatdown.
Carbon 14 #27 Hype!
Carbon 14 website
There's a new issue of Carbon 14 that should be glossifying indie record store shelves soon enough, with the usual assortment of nonsense that they have. Gotta say I'm pretty proud to have a shitty column about demo derbies in the same magazine as an interview with Rudy Ray Moore. They will also start doing print reviews with the next issue, most likely with me doing that shit since I'm stupid enough to do so, so if you do some crappy zine or some shit like that, mail it to the fine folks at Carbon 14 and I'm sure I'll eventually get to see it and make fun of you.
Death Valley Driver Video Review #152 Hype!
DVDVR #152
I've been neglecting this blog, mostly because computers don't get my dick hard like they once did, especially when dressed in a sultry blog, but here's a link to an old DVDVR from a month or so back. I reviewed some TNA and waxed on Eddie Guerrero dying, making smarks think I was an uncaring asshole. Fuckin' people are too sensitive most of the time. And that's coming from a guy who puts fuckin' haiku on a blog.
I've been neglecting this blog, mostly because computers don't get my dick hard like they once did, especially when dressed in a sultry blog, but here's a link to an old DVDVR from a month or so back. I reviewed some TNA and waxed on Eddie Guerrero dying, making smarks think I was an uncaring asshole. Fuckin' people are too sensitive most of the time. And that's coming from a guy who puts fuckin' haiku on a blog.
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