assorted detrituses

from my life tend to combine

into repurposed beauties

maintaining a smile despite

heavy pack yanking shoulders

touch further south of heaven

pink cowboy boots - casual

conversation don't often

include the word “cisgender”

triple negative twilight

reverse exposure cheap old

digitized camera tricks

TOP TEN TV TITLE DEFENSE UPON MOUNT ALAMUT IN 1099

the Masked Assassins cut off Boogie Woogie Man Jimmy Valiant's beard #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/dYoJB04r3P

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

"assassin" derives from Arabic "hashishin" meaning hash-eater #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/MPReGlSM10

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

Hassan i-Sabbah manufactured hashishins on Mount Alamut #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/P92tZTBpjS

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

Jimmy Valiant is Appalachian Orthodox hence the wizard beard #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/JdHBXspB3d

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

mountains have always cast shadows where resistance ferments & foments #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/fGFAYHmUGb

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

TV champs never were superstars - too jobber with low class workrate #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/oarXhoLGDt

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

now with wizard beard of my own, I cut promos to space as jihad #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/CholYuP8b4

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

internal jihad is the eternal struggle all of us must fight #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/5ptkELoY3t

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

assassin culture has been appropriated by Lord Pyramid #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/pkCC5kiHHH

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

fuck Lord Pyramid - soak my wizard beard with blue blood & yoni juice #haiku #rojonekku #gothicfuturism pic.twitter.com/vtJ4usP5WO

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) January 1, 2016

#1: the Masked Assassins/cut off Boogie Woogie Man/Jimmy Valiant's beard

#2: "assassin" derives/from Arabic "hashishin"/meaning hash-eater

#3: Hassan i-Sabbah/manufactured hashishins/on Mount Alamut

#4: Jimmy Valiant is/Appalachian Orthodox/hence the wizard beard

#5: mountains have always/cast shadows where resistance/ferments & foments

#6: TV champs never/were superstars - too jobber/with low class workrate

#7: now with wizard beard/of my own, I cut promos/to space as jihad

#8: internal jihad/is the eternal struggle/all of us must fight

#9: assassin culture/has been appropriated/by Lord Pyramid

#10: fuck Lord Pyramid -/soak my wizard beard with blue/blood & yoni juice

"what is reality?" I

asked; Sheikh Wildbird threw dirt in

my face and said “that’s what’s real”

trees cast ominous shadows

over consciousnesses thick

with indoors education

frybread sonnet #011: POETRY HACKS

Poetry hack - not hack like wack ass "lifehack" type
wannabe codemonkey algorithmic bullshit,
where "hack" gives all physical power to self-hype
ego "creative class" inactive snarky wit.

Poetry hack - not hack like per-the-word freelance
indiscriminate word pounder without thought, paid
little, caring less, cranking out words more by chance
than plan, making ends meet (though hackney turns to jade).

Poetry hack - as in cut through grand "what the fuck?"
born from raw primordial muck manufactured
into new world re-ordered still feeling like suck,
feeling less than whole, screwed-up, completely fractured.

Poetry hack - simple assed monkeyhead pokes words
into robot machines - no conference of birds.

frybread sonnet #010: BOOMING POWERBALL THOUGHTS

World wants to boom, make that mad scientific thunder
cause fresh conflict overseas, over small degrees
of difference, with indifference here - wonder
if I can hit that Powerball? Suffer disease

of hope, mundane bureaucratic routine not bad
in grand sense, but happiness too tied to the ill
logic effects of conditioning, leaves me sad
without reason (literally). Empty hearts fill

with whatever bombards them, propaganda shoots
through all the world's corners, booming through minds hollowed
by wishes (goals without plans). Booming world recruits
re-generation of soldiers, fatwas followed -

freedom fatwas, free yet dumb, I heed duty's call;
still I wonder if I can hit that Powerball?

in the olden days, boxcars

had wood, crack pipes were made from

corncobs, people were still “free”

The Rambler rambles without

preamble, disappearing

with no premeditation

frybread sonnet #009: STOCK MARKET GRAPH AS MOUNTAIN RANGE

I regard stock market charts long range - beginning
to now, so it looks like mountain range with incline
through '90s into new century where spinning
wheels of exceptional progress perhaps peak; "mine"

can only be dug from peaks - as we make transition
to descent (late capitalism - all empires end),
"we" begins to be more important, condition
not conducive to eternal expansion, mend

communal paths, not fences; divisions fracture
whole, individual ownership of matter
no longer matters as one can't manufacture
on-high position once on other side - platter

of silver tarnished by its social dysfunction;
let's coast downhill towards historical junction.

psychic shell fault lines falter

under incessant intense

barrage from wireless signals

S14: Top 14 Worst Seasons By The 7 Clubs Never Relegated From Premier League Since The Beginning (or some shit)

In honor of my increasing fascination/fandom of the world’s football, I’ve decided to (occasionally) resurrect the old Sporting 14 theme for some world’s football (soccer) related lists. I think in my brain at this point I’ll shoot for Tuesday mornings, but I’m honest enough to admit I have no idea what the fuck will actually happen. But when I have time to waste, I usually make up dorksheets of data about dumb shit like this. And what good is the internet if we don’t share our innate ridiculous bullshit with four other people?

Since the Premier League formed from out of the old English First Division, there’s been seven teams that have never gotten relegated. The Premier League was 22 teams at first, but contracted back to 20 after a couple of seasons. Still though, seven teams – Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham Hotspur, Everton, and Aston Villa – have never once been relegated in over two decades of seasons. This is notable this season because Aston Villa really sucks, and unless some sort of late season miracle happens, are likely to get relegated (and at the worst of times, as a huge TV deal with huge TV deal money kicks in next season). So I axed myself, “Raven Mack, what are the worst seasons that these seven teams have had since the Premier League started, and how close has anyone been to relegation like this out of those teams before?”

Well, here are your results, in the listing of the top fourteen worst teams from those seven, ranked according to how many points they earned in the table that season. Many seasons, all seven of these teams finished in the top ten, sometimes top 8 even, hoarding the top spots, so even beyond Aston Villa being at the bottom of the table, this year’s Premier League season is notable because the dominance of these teams at the top is not present. Still though, a Chelsea or Liverpool having a down period during a single season is far different than Aston Villa setting themselves up for the tragedy of relegation. But as you look at this stupid list, it’s not exactly surprising either…

#1: Aston Villa – 2014-15 season, 38 points, -26 goal differential, 3 points above relegation: So the worst performance by any of these teams before this year was Aston Villa last year. They hit a dry spell of 6 straight losses in September-November, and sort of rebounded until the new year rolled around. After a New Year’s Day draw, they dropped seven straight, and got their manager sacked, after falling into the actual relegation zone. They still didn’t exactly get much greater, but a few home wins plus an important away win at Tottenham Hotspur in April kept them clear of relegation. Also, somehow, they made it all the way to the final of the FA Cup, but then got blowed the fuck out by Arsenal, 4-0, at Wembley, to put a painful bow on a rough season.

#2: Aston Villa – 2013-14 season, 38 points, -22 goal differential, 5 points above relegation: And the second worst season was that same Aston Villa team the year before. They started decently enough, sitting as high as 9th in the table, but once mid-March sprang upon them, they were horrible, losing 7 of their last 9, with only a win in their last home game against Hull City, and a draw in their next-to-last home game against Southampton (as well as the ineptitude of other teams) keeping them from the relegation zone. Early home exits in both the FA Cup and League Cup only helped add to the misery.

#3: Aston Villa – 2011-12 season, 38 points, -16 goal differential, 2 points above relegation: An early trend-setting season for this current run, as they established their lowest point totals, fewest wins in a season, and worst home record in their 138-year history. I have not mentioned to this point that American lizard overlord billionaire Randy Lerner bought the team in 2006, and has been seen as instrumental in helping run the club into the fucking ground. Also, they’d still been good enough to qualify for European continental competitions, but had finished only 9th the previous season, thus this was their first time in five years not playing international football. So essentially, this is when the shit started to break.

#4: Everton – 2003-04 season, 39 points, -19 goal differential, 6 points above relegation: Even though this was Everton’s worst season since the Premier League existed (and since), they were still six points clear of relegation, so though a shitty season, not nearly as on the brink as one would expect. This season was also notable due to an 18-year-old wunderkid named Wayne Rooney, who was already linked with a sale to Manchester United, which only made their season more shaky, as opposed to stable. But important to remember Everton’s role in helping Wayne Rooney learn how to be THE WORST HUMAN BEING ON EARTH.

#5: Everton – 1997-98 season, 40 points, -15 goal differential, 0 points above relegation: Many of the non-Aston Villa listings on this list are by Everton, from various seasons over the past two decades. But never did they flirt as hard with relegation as they did in 2004. Going into the last day of games, they were actually a point down, but Bolton Wanderers lost away to Chelsea, and Everton got a point at home in a 1-1 draw with Coventry City, to move even with Bolton, but five goals ahead of them on goal differential.

#6: Aston Villa – 2012-13 season, 41 points, -22 goal differential, 5 points above relegation: Perhaps you were reading this and like, “Well, what about Aston Villa’s 2012-13 season?” Here it is. Thus 4 of the worst 6 seasons by these 7 clubs were Aston Villa’s previous 4 seasons. They did make it to the semifinals of the League Cup though. And they were as low as 19th in the table (18 thru 20 get relegated, FYI), but went 5-2-3 in their last ten to rally the fuck out the hole.

#7: Everton – 2000-01 season, 42 points, -14 goal differential, 8 points above relegation: I’ll be honest, I kinda hate Everton, though I briefly pretended not to hate them because of Tim Howard, but now I think I might hate him too. I am only pro-America when it’s convenient.

#8: Everton – 1996-97 season, 42 points, -13 goal differential, 2 points above relegation: There are Wikipedia pages for all these seasons, meaning even though I do soccer dorksheetz in down moments, there are dudes (likely dudes) who are filling in all THE IMPORTANT DETAILS OF EVERY EVERTON SEASON THAT EVER HAPPENED. And while I can’t really be casting the first stones in terms of this type of shit, I’d rather all of Wikipedia be a bunch of zines instead of a website. A giant abandoned textile mill full of fucked up Xeroxed zines, so you go to the sports level, walk over to the soccer part, go to England, and start digging through the boxes marked EVERTON to find the one that tells you about this season.

#9: Aston Villa – 2005-06 season, 42 points, -13 goal differential, 8 points above relegation: An early disappointing season for Aston Villa, with promises of the horrible things to come, which should culminate in their relegation this season. It better. I’m a Swansea fan (adopted, of course, SORRY I DIDN’T GROW UP WITH THIS SHIT I GREW UP WITH CONCUSSION BALL OKAY?) and they’re flirting with the relegation zone themselves, so I hope everybody below them just sucks the shit out of everything the rest of the year.

#10: Everton – 2001-02 season, 43 points, -12 goal differential, 7 points above relegation: Everton, yawn.

#11: Everton – 1998-99 season, 43 points, -5 goal differential, 7 points above relegation: More Everton, more yawn.

#12: Everton – 1992-93 season, 44 points, -21 goal differential, 2 points above relegation: Well, a brief interjection before another Everton yawn is that this was one of the first seasons of the actual Premier League (second), when there were 22 teams, which means they had an additional four matches with 12 possible points, but they still were shitty enough to make this list. Note the 2 points above relegation.

#13: Tottenham Hotspur – 1997-98 season, 44 points, -12 goal differential, 4 points above relegation: Finally, an appearance on this stupid list by somebody other than Aston Villa or Everton, though I also find the Spurs pretty fucking boring. When I first started “discovering” the Premier League, I briefly flirted with Hotspur fandom, as they had Gareth Bale and Clint Dempsey back then. But then I heard that stupid fucking Dan Snyder (who drove me from the concussion ball in the first place) always had eyes on buying a stake in Tottenham Hotspur, so I automatically hated them forever from that point on.

#14: Tottenham Hotspur – 2003-04 season, 45 points, -10 goal differential, 12 points above relegation: Fucking hate the Spurs. So much so I think less of people who like them. 

frybread sonnet #008: CULTURE OF SLOW DEATH

Culture of slow death, so that newness feels like fresh
breath, except it's never sustained, human brain trained
to equate trivia with intelligence, flesh
fatty from syzurp, sipping fast "facts" feeds, unstrained

information containing psychic cyanide;
but don't worry, science will figure it all out,
reclaiming human dominion of earth worldwide
through stainless steel advance; meanwhile, deniers doubt,

enraptured as various hitlers shout sound bites,
posting 20/20 hindsights, with sidebar ad
following cookie track. Culture of slow death fights
against In Real Life, leaving us depressed but mad.

To y'all young motherfuckers - run quick, don't get sucked
in, resist, this world badly needs to be unfucked.

faux concrete jesus stares down

at his faded purple cleats,

sizing up penalty kick

born to die, feeling half-dead

about two-thirds of the time,

but trying to breathe easy

frybread sonnet #007: NEW YEAR'S DESTABILIZATIONS

New Year means little when destabilization
has been the foundation of most previous ones;
predator drones and robot guns build state nation
of fear; but within each of us bitches blood runs

the same (except the Lizard People); this New Year
will attempt to bring the fear and loathing (again),
displaying Trump cards we scoffed at, trusting fogs clear
eventually, but when engineered by men

the fog might remain, fog blinds, destabilizes
vision, fills lungs surrounding heart with toxic smoke
of hate, tindered by truths ignorance surmises,
fueled by fear; a New Year yes, but still we seem to choke

happily on the fog, we hide in it, hoping
that something (not ourselves) ends the downward sloping.

is this real life, like what we

used to dream about when still

little stupid kids dreaming?

TOP TEN QUART BOTTLE WICK MATERIALS PINTEREST

bulletproof gold teeth bite back at police humvees blinged by endless war #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/1NaVeLzMEb

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

we was mixing up molotov cocktails mean while sipping on syzurp #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/d456VJKx87

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

I'm voting for Trump because fuck America - Apocalypse Now! #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/fhkiNCYSnR

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

in Bumfuck, Maine, they burn the fields, allowing wild blueberries to grow #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/6SDOHGDepk

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

cops in camouflage clustered on military excess vehicles #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/b1NnC9nQLT

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

militarized eyes see us as occupying wasted space bodies #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/vmPojM3t7T

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

we are no bodies we are not real unless we follow world orders #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/aA0P2SsNAT

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

practice listening to the wild - tell me if you hear any orders #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/yeN4arakt3

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

nature's chaotic fractals grow like crystals, not like grids locked by threats #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/KdEalvGuvM

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

quart bottle full of kerosene with huck towel wick lit flies through night #haiku #rojonekku pic.twitter.com/dxsJ1ZqtgI

— Tha Dirt-God (@rojonekku) December 23, 2015

#1: bulletproof gold teeth/bite back at police humvees/blinged by endless war

#2: we was mixing up/molotov cocktails mean while/sipping on syzurp

#3: I'm voting for Trump/because fuck America -/Apocalypse Now!

#4: in Bumfuck Maine, they/burn the fields, allowing wild/blueberries to grow

#5: cops in camouflage/clustered on military/excess vehicles

#6: militarized eyes/see us as occupying/wasted space bodies

#7: we are no bodies/we are not real unless we/follow world orders

#8: practice listening/to the wild - tell me if you/hear any orders

#9: nature's chaotic/fractals grow like crystals, not/like grids locked by threats

#10: quart bottle full of/kerosene with huck towel/wick lit flies through night

gridlock power poles along

roadside plus gridlock chemtrails

interlacing the heavens

cardboard mantras left in rain -

tween words of positivity

spoken to hard-headed self

even the thickest booties

lose their soul-pleasing jiggle

after post-mortem decay

paramilitary toys

have overtaken tiny

gold buddhas on my woods path