If ski masked Ukrainians broke into your house right now, with futuristic gun-looking things that scrambled your chromosomes to conflict your sexuality, and they said, “You must come with us, and you can only download one Too Short song to listen to for the flight to Morocco,” and then the other Ukrainian guy would go, “You dumbass, why did you tell them we were going to Morocco?” and they’d be talking in Ukrainian but in this scenario where there futuristic chromosome scrambling gun-things, they also have brain implants made by Rosetta Stone that automatically translate foreigner talking to something you understand, except these dudes didn’t think you had that, because you’re always fucking around online when they watch you. Anyways, if you could only download that one song for the trip, this should be your one song. On the 12-inch single for it, there’s a completely fucking awesome DJ Premier-produced remix, and right now I am contemplating going and digging my USB turntable out from under a stack of Easyrider magazines from the 1970s out in the camper to rip my Too Short “In The Trunk” 12-inch right smack dab into the internet’s insides. But then that makes me think about brain chips that translate languages, and how internet porn secretly tries to make all men gay, unless they are gay already, and then it tries to make them feel shameful for not wanting to demean women with the men they love.
STEAL "In The Trunk"
NEXT UP: Some Sunday morning, cooking up some potatoes and eggs music!
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